


Don't You Want To Be Friends With Me?

by kyanitedragon



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Be warned that Hide and Haise/Kaneki don't have a very healthy relationship for a while, Be warned the canon deaths will still take place here, M/M, Mutsuki is a trans boy in this and will be referred to as male regardless of what happens in canon, This story ended up being a lot sadder and angstier than I first intended sorry, but they'll get there eventually I promise
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-22
Updated: 2018-12-08
Packaged: 2019-05-10 09:55:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 25
Words: 37,376
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14734764
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kyanitedragon/pseuds/kyanitedragon
Summary: Hide x Haise snippets that take place during :re, had Hide stayed at the CCG instead of being MIA. If you're not caught up on the manga, don't read because there will be spoilers.





	1. Meeting

_Okay, here I go! Don't be too excited, you don't want to scare him off! But be friendly! Show him that you want to be friends!_

"Hello!" Hide greeted as he ran up beside the man. "You're Rank 3 Investigator Haise Sasaki, right?"

The half-ghoul spun around upon hearing his name. "Yeah, that's me."

From the way he spoke, he gave off a timid personality.

_He's just like Kaneki._

"I'm Hideyoshi Nagachika. But you can call me Hide." Hide introduced.

He hoped his name might trigger something in Haise’s mind, although the logical side of him knew that if that happened, it would only cause problems. Just being here and talking to Haise was a huge risk in itself.

"Well it's nice to meet you, Hide-kun. I don't think I've seen you around before. What rank are you?" Haise asked.

Haise continued walking through the CCG, and Hide followed right beside him.

Hide felt disappointment, anger, and even a bit of betrayal swirl inside him. He didn't like feeling like that. It wasn't Kaneki's fault that this happened to him.

_It's my fault._

"Ah, I'm not an Investigator. I'm an assistant to Marude-san and Arima-san." Hide explained.

"Oh. Well, I'm sort of Arima-san's apprentice. I'm surprised I haven't seen you around. Actually, no one even told me he had an assistant."

_Whoops. Hopefully I didn't just jeopardize anything._

"So, was there something you needed from me?" Haise asked, thankfully moving along. "Do you have a message from Arima?"

_A message? Seriously? Can't you two just, like, call or text each other?_

"No, I just wanted to talk to you."

"You... You did?" Haise asked. He sounded a little nervous, and his smile seemed a little too polite and too forced.

"Yup!" Hide decided to play it more casual, hoping Haise would relax. "I'd like to be your friend!"

"Eh?" Haise asked. His eyes widened and he stopped walking to stare at Hide.

"What? You don't wanna?" Hide asked, and then snickered. This brought back memories.

"No! I mean-! I-I'll be your friend! I guess! I mean, I don't really know you...? But I'd... like to...?"

"Great!" 

"Um. I'm headed to train with Akira-san right now. But maybe we meet up together sometime?"

"Sounds good! I'm free pretty much anytime."

"I’m pretty busy, what with meetings and missions and all, but I'm sure I could work out a time."

"Ew, meetings. Sounds super boring." 

"They're not that bad." Haise chuckled. “How about we meet in the commissary at… how’s 6:00?”

Hide nodded. “That works for me! See ya then!”

\---

Haise and Hide sat awkwardly across from one another at a commissary table. There was no food nor drinks on their table. All around them investigators ate and laughed together. They all seemed to be having a great time. Hide saw that Haise would often nervously glance at them.

"Are you going to order anything?" Haise asked politely, voice barely audible over the racket of the commissary.

"No, I'm not really hungry." Hide replied casually. 

"No drinks either?" Haise asked. It sounded like he was hoping that Hide would say yes.

Hide shook his head. "I... don't really like to..." He trailed off and pointed to his scarf.

“Sorry. That was insensitive...” Haise looked away from him, guilt written on his face.

"It's fine. You didn't know." Hide said softly. 

 _This isn't working out well..._ Hide thought in his head. _I knew meeting for a meal was a bad idea, but he's the one that suggested it... I thought he had a plan, but he looks so nervous and awkward here._

"You don't want a coffee?" Hide asked.

Haise sat upright, tension written on his face. "...A coffee?"

"Just asking." Hide put his hands up innocently. _I was just trying to be polite, Haise. Relax..._

Haise looked at him expectantly. As if he was expecting Hide to add on to what he was saying.

"...What?" Hide asked.  _Why’s he giving me that look?_

"You're... not going to suggest anything else?" Haise asked.

"Huh?"  _There's... something else you can have here...?_

Haise looked down at the table. "You know about me... don't you..."

"O-oh." Hide grimaced. "Sorry. I thought you knew that I knew about you."

Haise shook his head, still avoiding eye contact. "They told me it was a secret for now. That only certain investigators would be told for a while. I guess they didn't want anyone freaking out about a ghoul in the CCG."

Hide looked down at the table too. 

_Even after all this time, we still need to tiptoe around each other. Why is it always like this? How can I change it?_

"So, you don't want a coffee?" Hide asked again, still making sure to speak politely.

Haise scrunched up his nose. “No.”

“What’s that face for?” Hide asked curiously, secretly happy that he got a reaction out of him.

Haise bit his lip, regret on his face. He hesitated before he answered, “The CCG's coffee isn't that good. I only have it occasionally, just because it's the only thing I can have.”

"Oh, I didn't know it wasn't that good. I haven't tried the coffee here yet. I'm sorry about that. Maybe I can get that changed for you?"

"No, don't worry about it!" Haise cried. "I'm sure you have a lot of your own work to do! It's not that big of a deal! I don't want to burden you with something like that."

"No! I'm gonna do it!" Hide yelled back. "You deserve to be able to drink something here that tastes good, just like we do!"

"..." Haise looked shocked. "...Thank you." He smiled, a smile that was full of gratefulness.

"No one gave away your secret, by the way." Hide added. He needed to fix his mistake. "I only know because... Well..." He looked up and locked eyes with Haise. "I knew you."

Haise gasped. "You did? You knew who I was before I became Haise?"

Hide nodded. He prepared himself for the inevitable questions. Haise would likely start pelting him with questions about his life story, questions that Hide wouldn't be allowed to answer. 

"..." But Haise was silent.

"You're not going to say anything?" Hide asked. "Not going to ask me anything?"

"I don't... think I want to know." Haise whispered.

"Really?" Hide asked. Kaneki was always reading and seeking information. "Why not?"

"No reason." Haise lied, touching his chin just like Kaneki always had. Hide smiled at the memory. Haise was like Kaneki in many ways, and yet a completely different person.

"Okay. I'll respect that."  _It's easier this way._  "But... does that also extend to me?"

Hide had wanted to continue being friends with Kaneki no matter what. He and Kaneki had been through so much, he didn’t want to lose him for good. He was terrified of Haise shutting him down. What if Haise didn’t want anything to do with him? What would Hide do then?

“No. I’m honestly… intrigued by you. You’re the only one I’ve met that knew me before my amnesia. I’m glad that you came to talk to me. It must have been hard. You’re a great person to be willing to stay friends with me through… this.” Haise gestured vaguely to his body. 

“Thanks.” Hide said awkwardly.  _I’m not a good person. This was my fault in the first place._

"What were we?" Haise asked. “If you don’t mind me asking?”

"Friends. Best friends. Inseparable."  _Until you vanished and left me without a word._

Haise smiled sadly. "I'll still be your friend, Hide. I'm glad I had someone willing to stay through all this. But you have to realize, I don't think I'm the same person I was before..."

"That's okay. I'll be your friend no matter who or what you are." 

_And I should have told you that back then._

\---

It had been a year since Hide first worked up the nerve to (re?)introduce himself to Haise.

They had hit it off ever since they began to hang out together, and they’d become real close ever since. Best friends. Just like he and Kaneki were.

Haise had grown as his own person over time, as well. 

It didn't take too long after befriending Haise, that Hide took back his first impression of him. Haise was actually a lot different from Kaneki. It soon felt like they were completely different people.

Haise was still a nerd and would often have his head stuck in a book, just like Kaneki always did, but Haise was much more outgoing and sociable than Kaneki ever was. And he also developed a love of puns.

Hide also noticed that Haise had the same habit as he did: touching his face when he was deep in thought. Exactly when had Kaneki picked up that habit from him?

Honestly, Hide wasn't sure what he would have done if Haise had not wanted to be his friend. Hide wasn’t sure where he would be in life if he had lost his childhood friend. Both mentally – how his mental state would have help up –  _and_  physically – where he would be living and working. For so long his life had revolved around being with and helping Kaneki.

Hide still hoped that one day, Kaneki Ken would come back. That he would remember Hide and all the memories they shared since they were in primary school.

But if Haise remained forever? Hide would be okay with that too. Haise seemed happy. Happier than Kaneki ever was.

And somehow through it all, Hide’s crush on him remained. If anything, Kaneki becoming Haise made him fall harder. Not because he preferred Haise and his personality over Kaneki, but because of the situation they were in. They worked together, saw each other often, and there were no secrets between them. What Hide loved most about it was that he didn't need to keep Haise being a ghoul a secret! Everyone at the CCG knew about him being a half-ghoul and accepted it. No one seemed to treat Haise badly either. Their lives were how Hide always hoped they would end up.

Minus his scars and Kaneki’s amnesia, that is...

"Hey, Hide..." Haise began one day. He scratched at his cheek. 

“Yeah?” Hide asked.  _What's this about...?_

Haise slowly dropped his hand from his face, and he locked eyes with Hide.

"I... I like you and I wanted to know if you'd be willing to go out with me?"

Hide had to take in that confession for a few seconds. He couldn't believe that ex-introverted bookworm had managed to work up the confidence to ask him out! He barely even stammered when saying it!!! 

“Wha...? You... You like me???” Hide asked. He didn’t know how to react or what to say.

Haise nodded, a light blush dusting his cheeks. Hide could feel his face heating up too, and he was glad that his scarf would cover most, if not all, of it.

“I-I like you too...” Hide admitted.

“Great!” Haise smiled.

\---

Hide had been so giddy the rest of the day, but then it all came crashing down once he got home to his apartment.

_We’re dating now. Haise and I are dating._

Dating came with expectations.

Closeness. Cuddles. Kissing. Intimacy. Sex.

“I don’t know if I can offer him all that…” Hide sighed. He wasn’t able to kiss anyone anymore. And even if he was able to, he wasn’t sure if he could handle it after what Kaneki did to him. He worried that he wouldn’t be able to get close to Haise without fear.

“Maybe this is a bad idea…” Hide muttered to himself, plopping miserably onto his bed.

_But I love him. I really, really love him. And he seemed so happy when I accepted. I can’t break his heart... And it would break mine too. I want to be with him._


	2. Training

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the unexpected hiatus! I fell out of the TG fandom for a little, but now I’m back. I have a lot written, but I’m still trying to figure out where exactly I want certain parts. I want to get it posted and be able to be read, so I’ll be posting every day or every other day for a little while. I might do small edits to it here and there as I go.

Today was one of the rare days where Haise and Arima both had the time to meet in person. Not having much else better to do, what with Hide still working, Haise was waiting in the CCG, in case Arima’s current meeting ended early.

Haise was sitting on one of the couches where civilians, witnesses, and victim’s families would wait to talk to an investigator. He had a stack of books for Arima to borrow on the table beside him, and Haise was in the middle of reading his own book.

No one in the CCG minded him being there since it was a slow day, and Haise made sure to stay quiet and out of the way. Workers constantly walked back and forth, and phones rang, but Haise blocked out all the noise. He was minding his own business reading his book, when a hand swiped in front of his face, and Haise’s glasses were pulled off his face.

Haise flinched and pulled back, worried that he would get accidentally poked in the eyes by either the person’s fingers or the legs of his glasses.

“Hide?! What are you...?!” Haise sputtered, immediately recognizing the head of bright blond hair.

“How do I look?” Hide asked. He was now wearing Haise’s glasses.

Haise squinted. “I don’t know; I can’t see anything.”

Despite him being blurry, Haise could tell Hide was giving him a disappointed look through his body language, and Haise laughed.

Hide’s excitement was back again a moment later. He trotted over to the mirror on the wall.

“Well, I think I look good in them!” He declared. Haise watched him amusedly as Hide began to pose.

“What are you doing here?” Haise asked. “Aren’t you still working?”

“I got sent to run a few errands, but I saw you sitting here and I figured I’d pay you a quick visit.” Hide answered. 

He turned back around and started looking around the CCG through Haise’s glasses.

“Man, your eyes must be really bad!” Hide cried. Despite the frames being small and circular, the lens inside were really thick. “How do you go around all day without these?! I didn’t even know you needed glasses!!!”

“I’m far-sighted.” Haise explained.

“Huh?” Hide gave him a questioning look.

“That means I can see things that are far away. I only need the glasses for things up close, like reading and writing.”

“Ohhhh.” Hide drawled.

He picked up a random book from the stack on the table and flipped to a random page. The glasses’ prescription made his eyesight look extremely blurry, and it was starting to hurt his eyes and give him a headache.

“May I please have my glasses back so I can finish reading this chapter?” Haise asked, holding out a palm.

Hide pouted, but did as his boyfriend requested.

“So what are you reading?” Hide asked, jumping onto the couch to sit beside Haise. "Takatsuki?"

Haise showed him the cover, and Hide frowned. His guess was wrong.

“I _have_ read Takatsuki before, though. Good guess.”

“Okay, lemme take another guess. She’s your favorite author?”

"Nope. Wrong again."

“...No?” Hide asked, tilting his head. “You don’t like her books???”

“I don’t necessarily dislike them!” Haise cried. “They’re good books and her style is very unique and powerful, but... I just... They’re all so depressing. Everyone in them always ends up dying or suffering. No one ever gets a happy ending.”

Hide nodded slowly. “Yeah, I understand.”

It was such a simple thing — Kaneki’s favorite author. And yet, hearing Haise say he didn’t like them, that they weren’t his type of books... it hurt. Hide never liked Takatsuki’s works, for the exact reason Haise just explained, but it still pained him to hear it out of Kaneki’s mouth. 

Hide really didn’t know Haise as much as he thought he did...

“Shouldn’t you get back to work?” Haise asked after a few minutes of silence. “I don’t want you blaming me if you get fired.”

Hide sighed. “I guess you’re right.” He slowly stood up. “Hey, um, are you free later?”

Haise hummed as he thought about his schedule for the rest of the day. “Yeah, I think so. Text me when your shift’s over.”

Hide nodded. “Sounds good!” He gave a little salute before heading off and continuing with his job.

\---

Hide opened the doors to the training room and closed it behind him. Haise and Akira were training with wooden swords, but neither of them looked up at Hide. 

Hide took a seat right where he was, crossing his legs under him, and watched the two of them spar. He especially enjoyed the view of Haise with his muscled arms visible. 

Haise and Akira took a few steps back, both keeping an eye on the other for a sudden attack. And then Akira took a glance at Hide, and lowered her weapon.  

"That's enough for today, Haise." Akira announced. She wiped the sweat off her forehead and walked away into her respective corner of the room, where a bag and water bottle lay. She took a long sip of it.

Haise did the same, slicking back his hair and wiping the sweat off himself.

"Don't mind me!" Hide called out. It was true that he didn’t want to interrupt them, but mostly he really wanted to watch Haise fight.

"We were finishing up, and I have other work to do." Akira explained, glancing back to Haise. "Same time on Monday?"

Haise nodded. "Works for me. See you later, Akira-san!"

“Bye, Haise. Nagachika.” Akira said as she left.

Once the door closed behind her, Hide looked back at Haise. He was panting and still catching his breath, and his skin was shimmering from the sweat. He pulled the hem of his shirt to wipe his face, and Hide got a glimpse of his abs.

Hide couldn’t keep it in any longer. “Dude, you’re ripped!!!”

“W-what?” Haise asked, making eye contact with Hide. But the blush forming on his face proved that he did in fact hear what Hide said.

“Look at you!!!” Hide cried. He knew that Kaneki had gotten stronger since becoming a ghoul, but he never would have imagined this much of a change...

“Did I... not always look like this?”

Hide couldn’t help it, he started laughing. “No! You just looked like an average bookworm nerd. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, but... just, wow.”

Haise blushed harder. “O-oh. I, uh... I didn’t know that...”

“What’s your training regime like??? I’ve tried working out, but I haven’t really gotten much progress...” Hide pulled up his sleeve and flexed. He did have some visible muscle on him, but it was nothing compared to Haise.

“I... don’t think it’d help you. It’s a lot more intense that anything anyone else here does. Probably because I’m a...” Haise trailed off, not wanting to say the word “ghoul”.

"Right...” Hide nodded.  _Duh! How could I forget?!_ _Ghouls and their unfair advantages over us..._  

“Sorry I couldn’t be of more help... Maybe you can get some tips from Akira-san?”

“Or you could train with me?” Hide suggested. “You’d need to go easy on me, though.”

“I... I don’t know.”

“Well, maybe I could just watch you and Akira train.” Hide said. “Hey! Do you ever fight using your kagune?"

"Sometimes." Haise answered.

"Do you train with it too?" Hide asked. "That's gotta be interesting to see!  And I bet it'd help a lot when training investigators."

"N-no, I don't use it during training." Haise said.

"Huh? Why not?"

"..." Haise looked away.

Hide changed the subject, although just slightly. He hoped Haise would at least answer this question. "Oh! Um, there's something else I've been wondering for a while now." 

"What?" Haise asked.

Hide made sure his tone was slow, careful, and respectful. "Ghouls have red eyes, right? And you have that too?"

Haise nodded. "It’s called kakugan, and yes, I have it too. Although only one of my eyes turns red.” He tapped the left side of his face.

"So, um. How come I don't ever see it?"

"Why would you?" Haise asked, sounding confused.

"I just... I heard that sometimes ghouls can't control it. But I've only ever see you, uh... look human?" He winced at his bad wording.

Haise shrugged. "I never had any problems with it. I have control over it. The only time I can't control it is when I use my kagune, since they activate together."

"Oh..." Hide replied. That just made him more confused. He knew Kaneki wouldn't have worn the eyepatch if he didn't need to. What would have changed since he became Haise?

“Um, could I see it?”

“N-no...” Haise said, and you could easily tell from his tone and body language that he was growing uncomfortable. He turned away  from Hide and started packing his things back into his bag. “I don’t think that’s a good idea. Besides, I’m not allowed to show it to anyone.”

“Aw, please? I promise I won’t tell anyone!” Hide said, and then winked playfully.

“I have to go!” Haise suddenly said, standing up and swinging his bag onto his back. It was obvious he was struggling to escape this conversation. “I have to... Sorry, but I... I need to go do something.” 

And then he ran out the door.

“Haise, wait! I’m sorry!” Hide yelled after him. “If I ever say anything out of line, please just tell me!” 

The door opened a crack, and Haise glanced nervously back inside. “...I’m sorry.” Was all he said, and then he closed the door again.

\---

Hide was in his small office, doing work for Marude and Arima. It was utterly boring, and Hide hated it, but it was the price he had to pay to stick around and be with Haise. Besides, if his work was exciting, that either meant that a human had been killed by a ghoul, or a ghoul was about to be hunted down and slaughtered.

Hide sighed at remembering this. He really hated working here, and hated even more that Haise was working to hunt ghouls down, ghouls that may very well be his old friends. At this point, neither of them had any other options. He hoped one day he’d be able to get them both out of this awful situation.

Someone knocked on his door, snapping him out of his thoughts.

“It’s open!” Hide called out. It had to be either Marude or Arima, or maybe even Akira.

Instead, Haise opened up the door and stood in the doorway.

“Haise?” Hide whispered. He put his paperwork down and took a few steps closer. “Um. What are you doing here?”

“I wanted to apologize for earlier...”

Hide shook his head and held up a hand to signal Haise to stop talking. “No need to apologize. I’m the one that was asking invasive questions. I know that it must be hard to talk about, and I know that sometimes— okay, a lot of times— I can get carried away and I usually don’t even realize it until its too late.”

“Still, I wish I could have handled it better. I just... panicked and left.” Haise leaned against the doorway, and closed his eyes in shame. “I want to talk about it. I just... I can’t.” Haise sighed. He sounded defeated.

“I understand. I can wait, and if you never wanna talk about you being a ghoul, that’s okay too. But... I’m here and I’m willing to listen to you about anything at any time. Okay?”

Haise smiled. “Thank you, Hide.”

Haise pulled him into a hug, kissed his temple, and then left with a small wave.

Hide just stood there, heart fluttering and his face heating up.


	3. Date Night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was giving me a lot of trouble to write. I’m not sure how happy I am with it...

It was approaching a month since Hide and Haise first got together. Anything to do with Haise was always a large gossip topic at the CCG, so all of the staff found out about their relationship pretty quickly.

Normally Hide wouldn’t have minded people knowing about his love life, but he was still pretty uncertain of how dating Haise would go. He was afraid to hear the gossip of what the CCG staff thought of their relationship, especially when it came to assumptions of their intimacy.

Thus far, nothing much changed between him and Haise. They were taking things slow, but everything was going great between them. 

But of course, great things don’t last forever...

\---

“Hello Haise!” Hide greeted cheerfully once his boyfriend opened his apartment door.

“Hide!” Haise cried. He sounded surprised, despite the fact that this night had been planned.

“Is this a bad time?” Hide asked. “If you need to cancel, it’s okay.”

“No, no!” Haise opened his door further and gestured for Hide to come in. “I just need to finish up some case files for Akira-san and Arima-san. It shouldn’t take long.”

“Oh.” Hide said, walking inside. “Um, can I help you with anything?”

“Thanks for the offer, but I’ve just got a bit to finish on each one. Once I’m done, we can start our date.” Haise headed over to his desk in the corner of the room. “Um, you can put on the TV, or read any of my books, or do whatever you want while you wait. I also have a little bit of food in my kitchen if you want anything. So, uh, help yourself to anything here.”

“Okay, thanks.” Hide said as he took a seat on the couch. This wasn’t his first time in Haise’s apartment, but it was still an unfamiliar place to him. He felt like he was intruding, despite Haise telling him the exact opposite.

Haise sat down at his desk and Hide could hear him moving papers around.

“Um.” Hide began, his curiosity getting the better of him. “Why do you keep food here?” He wasn't sure how to phrase his question, and he really hoped Haise wouldn't take any offense to it.

“I keep it here in case anyone comes over.” Haise answered, sparing a moment to look at Hide to answer his question. “It’s usually just Akira-san that comes over, and I guess now you too.”

“Oh. Makes sense.” Hide said slowly, nodding in understanding. And then he quickly added, “That’s thoughtful of you.”

“Thanks…” Haise said awkwardly, turning back to his paperwork.

Hide decided to allow Haise to finish up his work in peace and quiet. He put his headphones on, hit play on his favorite playlist, and got comfortable on the couch.

\---

After what felt like eternity, Haise had finally finished all his file work and now he could finally sit down and spend some quality time with his boyfriend. Haise felt bad about having to postpone their plans, and then he felt worse once he realized he had misjudged how much time it would take him to finish. While working, Haise had glanced up occasionally and Hide had thankfully seemed to be keeping busy, despite the silence in the room. Hide was wearing headphones, and Haise was glad that Hide wasn’t just sitting there bored and forced to be silent while Haise was finishing his work.

After quickly organizing all his finished papers and reports, Haise stood and closed the distance between himself and Hide. Hide was lounging on the couch, taking up all the room. He looked comfortable, and he had his eyes closed and his head was bopping to whatever song was playing through his headphones. With his ghoul hearing, Haise could hear the song, but he didn’t recognize it. He was pretty sure the singer was singing in English.

“What are you listening to?” Haise asked, crouching down on his knees to be closer to Hide.

Hide didn’t seem to hear him. His music must have been too loud. Haise chuckled, and he reached out to pull off Hide’s headphones, just as Hide happened to flutter his eyes open. 

Hide’s heart skipped a beat when he happened to open his eyes and see a face in front of him. A face that was way too close to him for his own comfort. He gasped and pulled away, his flight instinct activating. The last time someone was that close to him…  

Haise stood and took a step back once he noticed the reaction, giving Hide some distance between them. Hide’s eyes seemed unfocused and full of fear. 

Haise wasn't sure what caused the reaction.

(No, Haise did know what caused it. What else would have caused this other than him being a ghoul? But he didn't know why it had triggered such an extreme reaction. They had been dating for a month, and Hide had always seemed comfortable around him, but now...)

Hide kicked his legs, trying to scramble back and away.

“Wait, stop! You’ll—!” Haise cried. Hide was about to fall off the back of the couch. Haise quickly reached out and grabbed him by the arm to catch him and pull him back before he fell.

“Le’go!” Hide yelled, and his voice sounded forced and hoarse. He yanked his arm back, out from Haise's grip. 

Haise let go immediately, and Hide tumbled backwards and landed on the floor. 

Haise stood planted in place, allowing the couch to hide them each from each other’s view.

He could hear the noise of Hide scrambling, and then it sounded like he stopped moving. With Haise’s good hearing, he could hear Hide’s heart pounding, as well as his unsteady, heaving breaths.

Once he had landed, Hide shot back up into a sitting position and slammed his back against the back of the couch to help steady himself. His body was throbbing from the fall, but his flight response made the pain feel distant, almost numb. Hide looked around, for a sign of anyone approaching, or any danger. He put a hand against his chest, trying to calm his heart with willpower.

_What’s going on? Calm down! Calm down!_

All he could hear was his blood pounding in his ears. All he could feel was adrenaline. He could barely breathe, his throat and chest felt constricted. His body was telling him he was in danger. To run. He couldn't even focus enough to try to remember where he was or what he had been doing.

Slowly, Haise walked around to the backside of the couch. He wanted to help Hide. He had to help him. Haise took out his phone and held it at his side, in case things escalated and he needed help.

“Hey.” Haise called out softly. “It’s just me; it’s just Haise. I’m not going to hurt you.” He inched closer slowly, looking out for any signs of making Hide more nervous or causing him to panic more. 

“Breathe. Just breathe, okay?” Haise continued. He started taking deep and long breaths as demonstration, and Hide soon caught on and breathed along with him. Haise slowly inched closer and closer to him, and then Haise sat down a few feet’s distance away. 

After a long time, Hide’s breathing was finally back to normal, but Haise could still hear his heart pounding.

“Are you feeling better now?” Haise asked softly.

Hide nodded.

“Has this happened before?” 

“Never that bad.” Hide answered, looking away. “I’m sorry.”

Haise shook his head. “It’s alright, don’t worry about it. I’ve had panic attacks before too.”

Hide gave him a sad, sympathetic look.

“Do you wanna sit on the couch now? It’s probably comfier.” Haise suggested.

“Y-yeah.” Hide said, and slowly stood up. Haise noticed he was shaking, but he didn’t say anything. Haise kept his distance as Hide tried to walk nonchalantly as possible and sit on the couch.

Haise sat on the other side of the couch. He had no idea what to do or say in a situation like this.

“Can I stay still?” Hide asked, sounding timid for once. “I kinda ruined our night together, though, huh?” He tried to chuckle to lighten the mood, but it just came out sounding really forced.

Haise blinked. That’s what he’s worried about? “No! Don’t worry about it! I’m glad you’re okay!”

“So, can I stay?”

“Are you sure you want to?” Haise asked. “I mean, it’s fine with me, but I just thought that you would—”

“N-no, I want… I want to continue our date.”

“Um, alright…” Haise said. “Although,” Haise walked over to his movie shelf. “We probably shouldn’t watch that horror movie.”

Hide shuddered. “Yeah, good idea.”

Haise frowned. Obviously Hide was a lot more uncomfortable than he would admit.

After Haise suggested a few movies, they settled on a happy, family movie, and Haise put it in the player.

Making sure to move slowly, Haise then grabbed his softest pillow and blanket and gave them to Hide, and then sat down again on the opposite side of the couch. Quite a bit of distance was between them, but neither of them said anything about it.

Despite the event that happened between them, the rest of the night went well. The awkwardness subsided after a while, and neither spoke of what happened. They were back to talking normally and joking around by the end of the movie, and then Hide headed home for the night.

After he left, Haise stared at his phone for a while, debating calling Akira and asking some vague questions about Hide. He eventually decided against it.

\---

It took Hide having a few more panic attacks around Haise before they both realized that this wasn't just a one-time thing, and that it would likely be an occurring one. From then on, Haise always made sure to ask permission before he hugged Hide, or cuddled him, or got anywhere inside his personal space. It didn't even matter how simple or casual the contact was, Haise still asked. Hide was grateful for how accepting Haise was. Unfortunately, asking permission didn't completely get rid of those reactions, but they did become much, much rarer and lot less intense. 


	4. Roots

\--A few months later--

One late date night Hide and Haise were cuddling together, when Hide finally noticed something.

Haise’s hair.

Haise’s roots were growing back black. One day Haise would have all-black hair again! Just like Kaneki used to! 

Hide still wasn't sure how Kaneki's hair turned white in the first place, but he knew it wasn't from hair dye and that it wasn’t healthy either.

Hide gently ran his fingers through his hair, trying to move aside the white to be able to better see the black roots growing in.

"It's an interesting contrast, isn't it?" Haise asked, knowing exactly what Hide was looking at.

"You match me." Hide said. Even after all this time, he was still dying his naturally brown hair to be blond.

Haise chuckled amusedly. “Couple goals?”

“Yeah.” Hide chuckled back.

“I always wondered what my natural hair color was...” Haise mused.

_That’s got to be so strange. To not remember so much about yourself. Especially something so simple and trivial as your hair color._

“What  _do_  you remember?” Hide asked.

“Nothing...” Haise answered, not even sparing it a thought.

Hide’s fingers froze in his hair. “...Nothing?” 

_It can’t be nothing! I’m sure its not a lot, but he has to remember **something**!_

Haise shook his head. “The earliest thing I can remember is really fuzzy, but its Arima-san talking to me and helping me decide on what to call myself. I mostly just remember everyone introducing themselves to me and telling me that I worked here. I don’t know what my life was before that, or how I even got amnesia in the first place.”

“You don’t remember elementary school?” Hide asked.

Haise shook his head.

“High school?”

Again Haise shook his head.

“Your parents?”

And again.

“I don’t remember the first 20 years of my life.” Haise explained.

“Damn...” Hide whispered. “I’m sorry.”

All this time Hide had just assumed that Haise remembered the little things. Like, maybe an image in his head of his mother or a collection of vague childhood memories. 

“Is it scary?” Hide asked.

“...Sometimes it is. It’s... really daunting. To not know where you came from or how you got here or who you were. Especially—” Haise shut his mouth.

“Especially what?” Hide asked.

Haise shook his head slowly, refusing to elaborate.

Hide really wanted to pry, to know more about how Haise truly felt, but he knew he had to respect that Haise wanted to keep some things to himself.

“But it’s not that bad like this.” Haise said, trying to keep positive. “I have Arima-san, and Akira-san, and some work friends. And I have you.” 

“Th-thanks...” Was all Hide could think of to say in response. He was overwhelmed. He felt so happy that Haise cared for him that much.

“What about you?” Haise asked.

“What about me?” Hide replied.

“What’s your story? Your parents? Your childhood? Your reason for joining the CCG?”

“...”

“I’m sorry. I probably should know all that already, huh?” 

“No, Haise, it’s—.”

“It’s okay. I’m sorry for asking.”

Hide desperately wanted to tell him that it wasn’t for the reason he thought, but he couldn’t risk complicating anything. 

_One day I promise I’ll tell you, Haise. I’ll tell you everything. But I just can’t risk that right now. And honestly, I don’t think I’m ready to talk about it yet either._


	5. Coffee

Hide was running back and forth through his apartment, hurriedly trying to clean it up before Haise came over. He was just about finished when he heard a knock. He ran over to the door, and swung it open.

“H-Hey, Haise! Good to see you! Come on in!” Hide greeted as he began walking backwards across his apartment. All he had left to clean was a few shirts draped over his couch. “Just give me ooooone second...” Hide drawled out as he grabbed all the clothes, slid over to his bedroom doorway, and threw the ball of shirts into his room.

And then there was the sound of something shattering, and Hide sighed and hung his head in resignation. 

“Do you want any help?” Haise asked. He had closed the apartment door but he was still standing in the entryway.

“I've got it. It’ll just take a minute!” Hide replied, running to grab a small broom and dustpan before running into his room.

Haise walked further into Hide’s apartment. Not too far away, there was a pot of coffee on the countertop. Haise had been in Hide’s apartment many times before, and he knew he was welcome to help himself to anything, so he took a cup out of the cabinet and poured himself some coffee. It was a little cold from sitting out, so he warmed it up in the microwave. Then he sat on the couch, and took a sip.

“Sorry about that!” Hide returned with a dustpan of broken glass and threw it away.

“I hope you didn’t break anything important...”

“Nah, it just an ordinary glass cup. I forgot it was in there, and then I saw it as soon as the stuff I threw left my hands.” Hide groaned dramatically at his mistake. “But I cleaned it up, so now I won’t forget and then have a foot full of glass tonight.”

He sat down beside Haise.

Haise made a face. “Yeah, ow.”

Hide quirked an eyebrow. “Can glass even hurt you?”

“It can’t cut me, but it still hurts. It’s like stepping on legos.”

Hide chuckled. "Really?"

“I’m sure it’d be so much painful for you to have it stuck in your feet, but my point was that I’m glad you cleaned it up and that you won’t get hurt from it.”

“Well, thanks for worrying about me.”

“Can I cuddle you?” Haise asked, spreading out his arms a little.

Hide nodded, and crawled into his lap, and they got comfortable together and wrapped their arms around each other. Haise rested his chin on Hide’s hair.

“I know you probably don’t wanna talk about work, but I was wondering if the CCG told you yet?”

“About the kids?” Haise guessed. When Hide nodded, Haise continued. “Yeah, they told me about it.”

“What do you think of it?” Hide asked, and he couldn’t stop the slight aggravation in the tone of his voice.

“You don’t approve?” Haise asked, and he sounded surprised.

“Of course I don’t approve!” Hide snapped, about to go on a rant. “They’re what, 18? They’re not ready to be investigators, much less half-ghouls!” He tried to calm himself down. “But I wanted to know what you thought of it.”

Hide felt Haise shrug. “It’s not up to me. I’ve already expressed that I didn’t think it was a good idea, and they waved me off.”

“They’re idiots...” Hide muttered.

After a few beats of silence, he stole a glance back at Haise.

“Haise, this isn’t... this doesn’t have anything to do with you. I don’t...” Hide wanted to say,  _I don’t have anything against ghouls_ , but he knew he couldn’t risk saying that to anyone at the CCG, even if that person was Haise. “I just... don’t approve of the CCG using this power to try to make the “perfect investigator”. It’s gonna fail.”

“I know. I’m already enough of a failure...” Haise muttered.

“Haise—”

“No, don’t. I already know, okay? Honestly, I don’t even know why they keep me around. I’m such a big risk. I’ve lost control of myself so many times.”

Hide squeezed his arm. “Stop saying that, Haise. Please. You’re not. You’re a good person and you’re trying your best. I love you and plenty of other people also love you. Don’t think that way.”

Haise sniffed, and Hide realized he was crying. Hide pulled him closer, and let his head rest on his shoulder.

“Hide...” Haise said after a few moments.

“Yeah?”

“Your coffee tastes awful.”

Hide blinked a few times, and then started laughing.

“I-I’m sorry.” Haise said. “That came out harsher than I—.”

“No, no, it’s okay. I know I suck at making coffee. I keep trying but it never comes out right. Sorry.” 

“I was just trying to lighten—“

“I know! I’m laughing, aren’t I? Still, I’m sorry it sucks. I guess I shoulda warned you about it. Do you wanna make a new brew?”

Haise lifted his head up and looked Hide in the eyes. “Do you want me to show you how to make better coffee?”

“Sure.”

Hide got out of his lap and stood, and held out a hand to help Haise up. Then Hide held his hand and led him into the kitchen.

After cleaning out the old coffee, Haise began showing Hide what to do, and he did it very cheesy and romantically. He had his hands gently resting on Hide at all times, while guiding him in how to do everything properly.

\---

“Man, that was even better than I was expecting!” Hide cried happily as he poured coffee into Haise’s new cup.

“Expecting? What were you expecting?”

“I was expecting to surprise you with really good black coffee one day, but instead you got all sappy and made coffee-making romantic!”

“Wait... You've been trying to make coffee... for  _me_?”

Hide started blushing. “Uh... yeah. I know you mentioned once that a lot of store-bought brands don't taste good, and that its hard to find a good cafe.”

“That’s... That’s really sweet...” Haise scratched the back of his neck as he started blushing too.

Hide handed him the cup. “So, who taught you how to make good coffee? Or did you somehow teach yourself after tasting so much horrible-tasting coffee?”

“I... don’t know actually...” Haise whispered. “I’ve always done it like that. I thought it was just something that everyone knew how to do until I tried Akira-san’s coffee.”

“Ooh, Akira makes bad coffee too???”

“Not as bad as yours.” Haise smirked, trying to hide it by taking a sip of coffee.

“How cruel, Haise!”

Haise slowly lowered his cup and set it on the counter. “You know, I don’t mind if...” Haise spoke gently and trailed off, and gestured to his own face. “…If you want to try any.”

“I’m not ready yet...” Hide whispered, looking away.

“Okay...” Haise replied quietly, and he led the way back to the couch.

This time, Hide sat down first and pulled Haise to sit and cuddle in his lap.

“I’m supposed to be meeting the kids in a few weeks...” Haise began, and there was some nervousness in his voice.

“Are they really going to be living with you?” Hide asked.

“Yeah. Apparently none of them have anyone to live with, so the CCG figured to have us all stay together instead of giving us all separate apartments.”

“And you don’t mind that?”

“I don’t know. I’m willing to try it, I guess. It might be fun. It’ll be a lot of responsibility, though.”

“You’ll do great! I’m sure they’ll love you!” 


	6. Staying Over

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's a fluff break before more hurt/comfort happens.

Hide woke up extremely early, almost a quarter until 5:00am, and was unable to fall back asleep. He tossed and turned, but couldn’t get his body to go back to sleep.

Almost an hour had passed, and by then his stomach had started grumbling. 

He groaned in annoyance.  _I knew I should have eaten something last night before I went to bed._

He sat up and reached for his scarf on the bedside table. He tied it around his face, slipped out of bed, and then headed out of the bedroom.

In addition to his empty stomach, he was likely also having issues sleeping because he wasn’t in his own home.

He was sleeping over at Haise’s.

Hide knew that whatever place the CCG gave Haise and the Quinx to stay would have to be big, but he didn’t expect the CCG to spare no expense. (Then again, they  _were_  expecting the Quinx Squad to produce an investigator as strong as Arima.) The Chateaux was gigantic and beautiful, had 3 stories, and was completely provided for by the CCG. With that big of a house all to themselves, Hide and Haise began to exclusively have date nights here. 

Last night was one of them, and it had gotten late, and Hide was going to head back to his apartment when Haise offered to let him stay over. And then Haise proceeded to argue with Hide over where he would sleep. Eventually Hide was talked into staying in Haise’s room while Haise slept on the couch.

So here he was now. 

Hide shut Haise’s bedroom door behind him. And there Haise was, laying on the couch, still asleep.

_Alright, Hide. Don’t wake him up. Just be really quiet, grab a snack, and then eat in his room and go back to bed._

Hide made it halfway there before he heard Haise shift.

Hide froze.  _Go back to sleep. Go back to sleep._

Haise slowly sat up, eyes half-open. "Who's there?"

“It’s just me. Go on back to sleep.” Hide whispered.

But instead, Haise looked at the clock. “What are you doing up so early?”

Hide was about to lie and say that he was an early riser, when his stomach answered for him by growling again.

"Oh, you're hungry?" Haise asked.

"Uh..." Hide struggled.  _He's a ghoul, so this is awkward. We've never talked about our... uh, different diets before._

“I’ll make you something.” Haise offered, standing up.

“No, no, no! Go back to bed, you seem tired.”

“I'm  _always_  tired, Hide.” Haise said as he stretched his arms.

“All the more reason to go back to bed and catch up on sleep. I’ll just grab something quick from the kitchen."

“All we have that’s quick is Saiko’s junk food. I’ll make you something healthier!” Haise smiled, and Hide couldn’t say no to him.

_A ghoul cooking a human breakfast? This is gonna taste horrible, isn’t it? Oh, the things we do for love!_

“Okay, fine.” Hide sighed. He went and sat at the counter and waited patiently for Haise to cook up some eggs. As he waited for it to cook, Haise stretched and rubbed at his back. It seemed like... he was sore. 

_His back hurts from sleeping on the couch, doesn’t it?_

“Okay, it’s done.” Haise announced a few moments later, putting the food onto a plate and handing it to Hide along with some silverware. 

“Haise.”

“Yeah? Do you need anything else?”

“You should sleep in your own room.”

“I know you like your privacy. It’s okay. Don’t worry about me.” Haise said, heading back to the couch.

“If you promise you won’t watch or look...” Hide began. “Would you want to sleep beside me? After I eat I’m gonna go back to bed and try to get a few more hours of sleep too.”

It was true that the Chateaux had several spare rooms, but none of them had any beds or any sort of furniture in them. So the only options for them were to sleep in Haise's room, the couch, the floor, or share a bed.

Haise blinked. He searched Hide’s face, looking for any discomfort or regret. “Okay. Yeah. Thanks.”

Once in his room, Haise helped Hide set up a few pillows so he could comfortably sit up as he ate. And then they both got into bed. Hide sat up against the pillows and headboard, and Haise laid down beside him, his back facing Hide.

“If you change your mind, let me know, okay?” Haise said, looking back at him.

“Just... don’t look, okay?” Hide said. He felt vulnerable, but he truly did trust Haise to keep his word.

Haise nodded and turned back around. “Goodnight, Hide.” He closed his eyes.

Hide waited a few seconds, and then he pulled down his scarf and began to eat. He prepared himself for something burned, or maybe completely tasteless or under-cooked, but it surprisingly tasted delicious. As he continued to eat, the silverware and plate made more noise than he had intended, and he knew there was no way Haise could sleep with the racket, but Haise didn’t turn around or even crack his eyes open.

Once Hide finished eating, he set his plate down, pulled his scarf back up, and settled down into bed. He stared at Haise’s back and smiled under his scarf.

_He’s so considerate and sweet. I love him._

Hide scooted a little closer, and wrapped his arms around him. 

_I hope this is okay._

“Can I look now?” Haise whispered.

Hide felt his face heat up. “Uh, y-yeah.” He quickly pulled his arms away from his boyfriend.

“No, don’t.” Haise whispered. “I like it.”

So Hide wrapped his arms around him again, and snuggled even closer than he did previously.

"Thanks for the food. You didn't need to make me anything."

"I wanted to."

"Doesn't it bother you?"

"No, you're not a burden or anything. I didn't mind."

"I meant, cooking human food." Hide said.  _I hope it's okay to bring this up._  "Doesn't it bother you?"

"I guess a little bit, but I'm used to it by now."

"How'd you learn to cook like that? I can't imagine its easy when you can't go off taste or smell."

"Practice." Haise answered. "Back when we were partners, Akira-san thought it'd help me out."

They fell into silence as they closed their eyes and relaxed and tried to fall back asleep. Maybe it was his lack of sleep, but Hide was feeling daring as well as sappy while lying here with Haise.

“I love you.” Hide whispered.

“I love you too.”

\---

Hide woke up laying on his back, his scarf a little out of place but thankfully still somehow on him. Haise was asleep in the fetal position, using Hide’s chest as a pillow. 

Hide looked down at Haise, and lightly stroked his face. Haise shifted a little and smiled.

_I still can’t believe it. We’re a couple. We’re dating. We just spent the night cuddled together._

“Hey, Haise. Are you comfortable?” Hide whispered.

“Very.” Haise replied. He snuggled into Hide further.

“Hey..." Hide began. "What would you say to me living here?”

“Huh?” Haise snapped his eyes open, and rolled over so he could face and lock eyes with Hide. “Really???”

“If its okay.” Hide said, starting to regret it. He did ask that out of no where. And moving in together was a pretty big couple milestone.

Haise nodded. “Yes! That sounds... that sounds wonderful!”

“Really?!” 

“I guess we’d need to check with the CCG, because they pay for this place, but yeah! I think its a wonderful idea!”

_This is a dream come true._

_\---_

“Are we moving too fast?” Haise asked.

It was a few days later, and Haise was in the middle of helping Hide move his things over to the Chateaux. The CCG had agreed to allow Hide to stay in the Chateaux, so long as he didn't cause any problems with the Quinx or interfere with any training or missions.

“I’m the one that suggested it.” Hide said awkwardly, guilt and regret in his voice. It was  _his_  idea to move into  _Haise's_  house. “Are you having second-thoughts?”

“No!” Haise cried. “...Maybe? I mean...” He paused, trying to get his thoughts together. Hide waited silently, giving Haise all the time he needed. “It sounds great, and I would love to live here with you. But... living together seems like a big step, and I know we’ve been together for a while now but... this is my first relationship. At least, that I can remember, and I...”

“If you want, you can think of me as a work partner? Remember, it’s not just the two of us — the Quinx are living here too.”

“I  _do_  want it to be romantic. I just...” Haise chuckled awkwardly and gave Hide a bright smile. “I’m nervous.”

“Me too.” Hide replied softly, taking his hand and squeezing it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some of the Quinx will finally make their debut next chapter! Although they will remain somewhat minor characters in this story since it focuses on Hide and Haise.


	7. Serpent

Hide opened the door and stretched as he came back to his home in the Chateaux. He closed the door, took off his shoes, and walked into the living room. Shirazu and Mutsuki were sitting there, in silence. The Chateaux was  _never_  silent when anyone was home. Something was obviously wrong.

"Hey guys!" Hide greeted, hoping to bring some happiness back. "Is Haise here?"

Both kids looked at him. They looked a little out of it.

“Uh, yeah. Sassan is...” Shirazu paused. “…in his room.”

Hide smiled despite their strange behavior. "Thanks!"

He walked past them to go visit his boyfriend, but then he noticed that the two young men were staring at him while he walked. Hide came to a stop. He knew what was going on.

"You found out, didn't you?" That was all Hide had to say.

"Y-yeah..." Mutsuki replied.

Shirazu gave a grunt in agreement.

_Well, they'll either accept Haise or not. I guess I just have to give them time to come to their own conclusions. Maybe later I can have a talk with them if they don't take it well. In the meantime, I have to make sure Haise's doing okay._

Hide headed towards Haise's room again, when Shirazu spoke up.

"You knew?" Shirazu asked.

Hide turned around. "Yeah. Sorry I didn't tell you guys. For a while I thought you already knew, and when I found out that you didn't, I figured there was a reason why."

"But... You're Sassan's boyfriend."

"So?" Hide asked pointedly.

"T-that came out wrong!" Shirazu struggled. "Sassan's a good guy. He saved us."

"He almost lost his life to save us." Mutsuki added. "At the hands of both a ghoul and his own coworkers."

Hide made a mental note of that. He hadn't heard the details of what happened. All he knew was that Haise had gone out of control and Akira successfully got him back in-control, and that no one had gotten seriously hurt. Now that he knew the situation had been more serious, he really had to go check on Haise once this conversation was done. He wasn't sure how Haise was handling everything that had apparently happened.

Shirazu nodded, agreeing with Mutsuki's addition. "I still like him. We're still friends and I'll keep staying here but... it's a lot to take in. And no offense to him or you, but, uh... I dunno if I'd be willing to date a ghoul."

"Well, dating Haise is a lot different from dating, say, an Aogiri member. There's not much difference in how he acts between him and any other human, right? He's still my boyfriend regardless of whatever he is. It doesn't change who he is. Really, it’s not too much different from him being your father either, right?"

"Father?" Mutsuki asked.

"Isn't he?" Hide asked.

"I... I guess..." Shirazu said.

"Just like how he's still your father whether he's a human or a ghoul or a Quinx, he's still my dorky boyfriend no matter what he is."

The two boys nodded slowly, taking in his words.

_I’ll let them dwell on that for a while._

Hide walked up to Haise's door and knocked softly on it. "It's Hide. Can I come in?"

"It's unlocked." Came Haise's reply.

Hide entered the room to see Haise laying on his bed like a rag doll. He had his arm covering his eyes, but moved it once Hide came in. He kept his eyes closed. Hide closed the bedroom door and came closer.

"Hey, babe, you okay?" Hide asked, keeping his voice low. He sat on the bed beside his boyfriend and ran his hands through Haise's hair.

Haise sighed. "Tired. Have a headache. Some other aches and pains too."

"Well, you had a rough day, huh?" 

Today should have been like any other work day, but apparently one of the Quinx had gotten a sudden lead on Torso, and it somehow ended up with Haise getting into a fight with a different ghoul with the alias Serpent. And then Haise went out of control during the fight, and had to be taken down by Hirako’s Squad and Akira.

Haise shook his head. "It's not that. I think it's the RC Suppressants."

"Shouldn't they have worn off by now?" Hide asked.

Haise gave a weak shrug. "The doctors say they have longer-lasting side effects on me, but if they lower the dose it probably won't work on me at all."

"Anything I can do?" Hide offered.

"Stay for a while?" Haise peeked an eye open.

"Of course." 

Hide brought his legs up onto the bed and sat cross-legged. Haise adjusted himself so his head was laying in Hide's lap. Hide continued running his fingers through Haise's hair, and occasionally stroked his forehead or arm.

\---

Haise finally got up from sitting on his bedroom floor. He wasn't sure how long he had been there, and he didn't really want to find out. He had just managed to calm himself down from his crying breakdown.

After all the Quinx had gotten home, Haise called a team meeting to scold Urie and assign Shirazu as squad leader. Urie had called him a ghoul, saying that he shouldn’t be their superior. Haise just barely managed to hold it together in front of the kids, until he was alone in his room where he broke down.

_They can’t know about this. I need to be strong. I’m not giving up on any of them._

He walked into his bathroom and wet his face with sink water. He hoped it would help his face and eyes to not look so red and puffy. Hopefully it would go down now that he stopped crying.

_I’ve been in here a while. I should go back out there. I don't need them getting suspicious._

Haise entered the main living room with a book in hand, to see none of the kids were there. It made sense that after today's incident with Serpent, they all needed some alone time. Haise sat down and started to read. And then he heard a noise, and Haise focused and tried to make out what it was.

It was Saiko was sneaking around downstairs in the kitchen. Haise smiled amusedly to himself. She passed by as quietly as she could with an armful of snacks, heading to the stairs to return to her room. Haise kept his head in his book and pretended to not notice her. He's pretty sure he heard Saiko laugh once she was halfway up the stairs, likely content with her "successful" sneaking. It concerned Haise a little that it sounded like an evil laugh, though.

Haise was all alone in the room again for a little while, until Hide came into the room. As he passed by the couch behind him, Haise awkwardly shifted his sitting position, trying to hide his red face from sight. Haise wasn't too concerned over the Quinx passing through-- they likely wouldn't pay enough attention to notice-- but Hide might. He could be real perceptive.

Hide continued walking, and he went into the kitchen. Haise didn't dare turn around to look at him, but he heard the clanking of the cabinets and dishes and silverware. It was obvious Hide was getting a snack. 

"Do you wanna talk?" Hide suddenly asked.

Haise flinched and tensed up. He didn't answer.

 _Does he know that I was crying? Or is he just talking about me going out of control earlier?_  

"...It's up to you." Hide said.

"..."

"The Quinx probably are going to go to sleep soon. They'll only come out for, like, a glass of water, and I doubt they'd be awake enough to realize it. Turning off the lights and keeping only a reading lamp on might help too."

_So he does know._

Haise heard Hide walk again, and then a click as he turned the lights off for him. Haise leaned over and switched on the lamp at his side so he could continue reading his book.

A moment later Hide came and sat on the armchair. "So.  _Do_  you wanna talk?"

Haise put his book down, searching in his mind where to start. Hide didn't say anything; he let Haise take his time.

"The Quinx..." Haise finally began. "They know."

"Is that a problem?" Hide countered. " _I_  knew."

"That's different... You've been at the CCG for years. You knew about me all along, anyway."

"I guess…"

"The Quinx are new. They don't know me. And they live with me. They trust me. I wanted them to think I was human. Or, at least... like them..."

"You say that like you're different from a human. What's the real difference from you and a Quinx?"

"I can't eat real food." Haise said.

"So you can't eat a family dinner with them. So what? I don't eat with them either. They don't even eat with each other!"

"It's different." Haise insisted. "You  _could_."

"I talked about it with them earlier. They don't care. They might need a little time to adjust, but don't worry about it. They love you and they trust you."

"Urie-kun called me a ghoul earlier..." Haise said, lowering his voice.

Hide was speechless for once.

"D-don't yell at him for it. I dealt with him." Haise said. "I just..." He sighed. "I don't know what I expected..."

"He shouldn't have said that. He didn't mean it."

"I know but, even so, I couldn't handle it. I... I broke down..." Haise could feel his throat closing up, and he sucked in a breath and tried his best not to break down all over again. Hide quickly sat at his side and hugged him. Haise took deep breaths as he held back tears and buried his head in Hide’s shoulder.

"I don't... like being like this... Why did this have to happen to me?"

"Shhh." Hide hushed, rubbing his back. He could feel Haise's tears absorb into his clothes.

Hide didn't have the answers. Haise had always seemed okay with being a half-ghoul, but it was obvious now that it wasn't the case. All Hide could do is stay at his side, and comfort and support him.


	8. :re

"My nose kagune is whispering to me!"

"Nose kagune...?" Tooru asked, an amused smile on his face.

Other times, Hide would have laughed along too. But as soon as the coffee shop’s bell jingled to signal their arrival, Hide got a chill up his spine, and a very bad feeling.

Haise and the two Quinx boys walked further inside the shop, searching for a good table that would comfortably fit them all. Hide just trailed behind them, wracking his brain for an explanation for that strange feeling he felt.

This seemed like a normal coffee shop. But over time, he's learned that those feelings of his are never wrong. And more often than not, they involve ghouls.

_Hold on. Ghouls? We're in a coffee shop!_

And then Hide bumped into Haise as he suddenly stopped moving. Hide walked around him and gave him a questioning look. Haise was frozen and staring at something. Hide followed his gaze to see a worker walking over. And that worker was...

"Touka-chan." Hide said, and then covered his mouth. He hoped that no one heard that slip.

Thankfully, no one seemed to. The Quinx boys were focused on Haise’s odd behavior, and Haise and Touka just continued to stare at each other.

“Um…” Touka smiled politely. It was that same smile she gave to Hide years ago, so that he wouldn’t know her secret or Anteiku’s secret. “Please, have a seat.”

She gestured to a table big enough to fit all 4 of them. They all took a seat, Haise gave their orders, and Touka left to get their drinks. As she left, Haise watched her.

So many emotions swirled inside Hide as he sat and watched. Haise wasn’t even trying to hide it.

He felt jealousy, from his boyfriend staring love-struck at a woman. 

Guilt, because he knew they loved each other back when Kaneki knew who she was. Did Hide technically steal Kaneki away from her? Had either of them ever confessed to each other? Just how close had they been?

Fear, because he didn’t know what Touka thought of him. It was clear Hide and Haise were both ghoul investigators, and here they were in a ghoul café. Did Touka feel threatened? Or did she trust them?

While walking around Tokyo over the past 2 years, he had occasionally seen Touka around. They never spoke, and they pretended to be strangers. He remembered the first time they saw each other, Touka had opened her mouth to say something to him, but he quickly ignored her and pretended he hadn't seen her. He remembered her looking so hurt. She probably had just wanted to confide in him over Kaneki's "death".

All of the other few times they passed by, she had a different look on her face. A look that meant she remembered exactly who he was, what he had meant to Kaneki and what Kaneki meant to him, and that she had her guard up if he was to do anything suspicious. He wasn't sure if she knew that he had found out that she was a ghoul, or she was simply protecting herself from being associated with the missing person Kaneki. Kaneki, who had since the Raid been forgotten by society and erased from ever even existing. 

Hide and Haise both flinched as the other coffee shop worker plopped down in the seat across from Haise. He looked very intimidating, and Hide was very weirded out.

“Uh!” Haise said awkwardly, just as uncomfortable as Hide was. “We… ordered three coffees!”

The grey-haired man continued to stare at Haise.

_Does he know Kaneki too? I don’t recognize him from Anteiku…?_

Then he got up and walked away without a word.

“What’s with that old man?” Shirazu asked, not bothering to lower his voice.

“Shirazu! He’s not an old man!” Mutsuki berated him in a whisper.

_That... was weird._

Shirazu started a new conversation, and Haise was back to reality. They all talked until Touka came back with their coffees. She was smiling politely and glancing at all of them, but Hide could tell she was mostly looking at him and Haise. The Quinx and Haise reached for their drinks and all took a sip. Hide avoided eye contact with Touka. He regretted coming here. He should have just headed back to the Chateaux on his own.

“Wow! We hit the jackpot! You really do have a nose-kagune, Sassan!” Shirazu laughed.

“Yeah, it tastes good.” Haise agreed.

Hide glanced at him, and blinked in confusion as Haise's eyes watered, and a tear began to fall down his face.

“What…?” Haise seemed just as confused.

Shirazu started laughing at him.

Touka handed him a handkerchief, but said nothing. 

“T-thank you.” Haise said as he wiped his eyes. “The coffee's really good.”

Haise looked up at Touka, and the two of them made eye contact and stared again. Touka still had that smile on her face. Hide’s eyes flickered between them, all those previous emotions swirling inside him all over again.

\---

Hide wanted to confront his boyfriend about what happened at :re, but he wasn’t sure how to. 

He felt horrible. Not about his boyfriend possibly being unfaithful to him, but because he felt unworthy of both Kaneki and Haise’s love. Kaneki loved Touka first. Haise did, but Hide didn’t know if  _Kaneki_  ever even loved him.

 _Which of us are meant to be?_  Hide wondered.  _And what do I do about it? Do I leave it alone? Do I let Haise pick? Touka-chan’s a ghoul. Would they even work out together? What would Haise think of dating a ghoul?_

\---

“Hide. We need to talk.”

Hide swallowed. Haise sounded serious. It didn’t help that the three Quinx — Shirazu, Urie, and Mutsuki —  stared as Haise led Hide into his room.

“What’s up?” Hide asked casually . He would forever be thankful in his ability to bluff through things and hide his emotions.

“Remember the other day at :re?” Haise began.

_Here it comes. He’s gonna break up with me, isn’t he?_

“The kids warned me that I haven’t been exactly subtle about it. I assume you already know...”

Hide looked down.  _Yup. Here it comes._

“There’s just something about her... She’s beautiful, and there’s this feeling. I feel like... I feel like I knew her. Like, I dated her in the past or something. But I don't remember it.”

 _Huh?_  Hide looked up.

“I love you, Hide. I don’t want to complicate our relationship. I'm sorry I haven't talked about it sooner, but it's a weird feeling and I didn't know how to explain it. But I promise nothing is going on between us. Are you willing to keep dating me?”

“I thought you were breaking up with me!” Hide gasped in relief and started laughing.  _What a misunderstanding!_

“Eh?! N-no!" Haise cried. "W-Why are you laughing about that?!”

“I don’t know!” Hide said, trying to calm down from his hysteria.

_You’re too kind, Haise. Touka-chan is beautiful and under this scarf I’m an eyesore. It’s just a matter of time before you see for yourself and change your mind._

Hide knew their relationship wasn’t healthy, but he was too afraid to open up to Haise about anything. It was all too complicated. He would need to tiptoe around so many issues, and he didn’t feel like opening that can of worms.

_We’re happy together right now. That’s good, right?_

\---

“I hear you’re still visiting :re.” Hide commented, a few weeks later.

Haise opened his mouth, an apology on his lips, but hesitated. After a moment, he instead countered, “Why are you _avoiding_  :re?”

“I don’t go out to eat or drink. It’s pointless.” Hide replied immediately.

“I only drink coffee. You could just come to sit and talk with me.” Haise said softly. Then he looked away and added, “And keep an eye on me.”

“I’m not jealous, Haise...” Hide sighed.

“You’re not? Then why did you ask?”

“Does seeing her make you happy?” Hide asked.

Haise bit his lip. "I..."

“I don’t mean like that.” Hide added quickly. “I mean... she brings back pleasant memories for you, doesn’t she? Or safety? Or something to that affect?”

Haise nodded slowly. “:re as well. And the flavor of the coffee. But yeah, mostly her.”

“Well, let’s just say, she brings up some things I would personally rather avoid.”

It looked like Haise still had more questions, but he shut his mouth.

_He’s always overly considerate..._

“Do you want me to stop going there?” Haise asked.

“She’s a really beautiful and sweet girl.” Hide said. He remembered back when he had a crush on Touka. “I trust you, Haise. It’s okay. You can still go to :re to see her.”

_And even if I didn’t trust you, it still wouldn’t be fair to keep you away from her. You two used to be so close, even if I don’t know exactly what it entailed._

“She’s nice.” Haise smiled. “She even let me borrow some books from her shop!”

_I need to be okay with this. It’s his choice who he wants to be with._

“Hey. Hide.” Haise came close and gently hugged him. Hide tensed at the contact. Haise was more touchy-feely than Kaneki was, and even after all this time Hide still wasn’t completely used to Haise being the one to initiate contact instead of him. “Don’t make that face.”

_Huh? I had a weird look on my face?_

“I love  _you_ , okay? I like seeing her, but I’m not going to break up with you or cheat on you. I promise. Trust me.”

“I do.” Hide sighed, melting into his embrace.


	9. Sasako

“You wanted to see me?” Hide asked, coming into Haise’s bedroom, shutting the door behind him.

"I need a specific disguise for an upcoming mission, and I wanted a second opinion." Haise said.

"Alright, I'm up for it. Let's see it!"

Hide plopped down to sit on Haise’s bed as Haise disappeared into his bathroom, and waited patiently as Haise got dressed in whatever his disguise was.

"Alright, ready?" Haise called from the other side of the door.

"Yup!"

Hide looked up just in time to see a blonde woman walk out, wearing a white dress. Hide's jaw dropped, and he stared in awe.

"You look so pretty and cute!!!" Hide practically squealed.

Haise giggled at the compliment, probably not even meaning to, and Hide could feel himself blushing harder. He was glad his scarf covered both his open mouth and his blush.

"Your ears are pink." Haise commented.

_Or not..._

"It's cute." Haise added, and smirked in amusement.

"No,  _you're_  cute, oh my God..." Hide breathed. "Seriously, dude, you look amazing."

"Thanks..." Haise sat on the edge of the bed, and crossed his legs.

"So what's this mission about?" Hide asked.

"Nutcracker is getting items for the auction, and she's looking for young girls. So the Quinx and I are going to cross-dress and try to find out information about the Auction."

"That sounds like a sure-way to get info, but also seems really risky. You guys be careful."

"We'll all stick together and watch each other's backs."

"Good." Hide said. "...The next mission is going to be really big, isn't it?"

Haise nodded. "There's evidence that Big Madam will be involved. The CCG's been after her for several years now."

"Do you think the Quinx will be ready?"

"I've been training them since they got assigned to me, and I'm going to train them even harder to prepare them. I have faith that they can do it."

_I hope you're right. This will be their first big mission._

“Can I ask you a question, completely unrelated to ghouls or the CCG?" Haise asked.

"Sure."

"Do you like girls too, or just guys?"

“I’m pansexual,” Hide answered, “so I like guys and girls and enbies, but gender isn’t really ever on my mind when it comes to a relationship.”

Haise nodded in understanding, and then asked, “Do you know what I identified as?”

“Well, what do you think you are now?” Hide asked. He didn’t like telling people what they were. 

“Well, I like guys and I also like girls, and I’d probably be attracted to enbies too. I guess pansexual could fit me too but... I’ve been thinking I like the word bisexual better.”

“Huh, interesting... That’s what label you chose to use before.”

“Really?” Haise smiled a little to himself. He pulled the blonde wig off his head and started fanned himself.

Hide took another look at Haise in the dress, now that his wig was off.

"I'm starting to get really hot in all these layers. I'm gonna change out of this." Haise said as he stood back up.

"You know, you should wear stuff like that more often."

"Eh? Really?" 

"I mean, if you want to. It looks really good on you. But if it's not comfortable, or you don't want to, then--"

"No, I don't mind it. And it's actually pretty comfortable." Haise looked down at himself in the dress again.

“Then break those gender norms!”

Haise laughed fondly. “Maybe I will start wearing stuff like this...”

\---

Occasionally, Hide would send Haise a picture or two of clothes from the women's section that seemed to be his style. Haise would always reply, but normally he would say he didn't want any of them. A few outfits won him over, though. Haise didn't wear them often, and if he did he only wore it around the Chateaux, but he did seem to enjoy it and be comfortable in them. And Hide enjoyed seeing him slowly becoming comfortable in being himself.


	10. Kagune

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little more filler and a little more Quinx before we get to the Auction Raid.

“Hey, Haise.” Hide said. He was honestly a little scared to ask this again, from how Haise responded last time.

“Yeah?” Haise asked.

“Um...” Hide scratched his head. “So, about your kagune...?”

Haise visibly deflated. “W-what about it?”

“I just... I...” Hide hesitated.  _Just be honest. Hopefully he’ll understand._  “I know you don't really like to talk about stuff related to you being a ghoul. But I’m really curious about it, and if its not too much trouble... I’d like to see your kagune?”

“...”

“I mean, if you don’t wanna show me, that’s fine. I’m not gonna be a jerk and beg you to show me or make a fit out of not seeing it. I just... Would like to know why, if you don't want to show me?”

Haise sighed. “I...”  

“Take your time.” Hide told him softly.

“I’m afraid of loosing control.” Haise admitted in a whisper.

“Oh.”

“E-each time I loose control, it’s always because I use my kagune.”

“But... it’s like a limb, right? I don’t understand how you could loose control of it...”

“I don’t know how to explain it...” Haise continued. He braced his head in his hands. “There’s always so much going on in my head.”

“Well," Hide said, thinking about it more, "you use it to fight, so I guess it makes sense that with all the danger and adrenaline and staying alive and keeping everyone safe, that it’d be overwhelming if you suddenly just... grew another limb to use as a weapon.”

Haise chuckled. “That’s... not exactly how it works.”

Hide waved his hand. “Spare me the ghoul biology lesson. That’s how  _I_  understand it.”

Haise smirked and playfully rolled his eyes.

“If you were to— what’s the word you use?—grow your kagune—”

“Release.” Haise provided.

“Right. If you were to  _release_  your kagune in a situation where there was no danger, then you’d probably be able to control it.”

“Hypothetically, maybe...” Haise said. “I don’t want to try it though.”

“Never?” Hide asked.

“Maybe not  _never_ , but... not for a while. I just... I don’t trust myself. I don’t want to risk it.”

“I don’t think you have anything to fear, Haise.”

“You haven’t seen me in the field...” Haise said, with a darkness in his voice that Hide had never heard before.

Hide blinked.

“It happened on tape once. It’s... not pretty, Hide. I’m not proud of myself.”

"You're not a monster, Haise. You might go a little out of control, but I don't think you'd ever hurt anyone. Anyway, thanks for telling me the truth. I really appreciate it."

\---

Hide called a Quinx group meeting without Haise knowing. Although, Saiko didn't show up for it, not that Hide expected her to.

"So all of you have kagune, right?" Hide asked the 3 Quinx boys.

"That's what being a Quinx is." Urie replied.

"That sounds awesome! How does it feel?"

"It's amazing!" Shirazu cried. "It's weird, but it's cool, and it feels so powerful!"

"How much control do you have over it? Can you bring it out anytime you want???" Hide asked, growing more excited.  _Why didn't I think to ask them about this sooner?!_

"Yeah, watch!" Shirazu said, and he released his kagune.

Hide gasped happily and looked at it in awe.

"Sh-Shirazu! That's not a good idea!" Mutsuki said.

"Don't worry! I'm not gonna break anything!" Shirazu said.

"Urie-kun! What about yours?" Hide asked, turning to the other Quinx member.

Urie sighed, but released his kagune anyway. He kept a bored expression on his face even while Hide ran closer to get a better look at his kagune.

"Mutsuki-kun! What's yours?" Hide then asked, twirling around to look at the 3rd Quinx.

"Mine? I, uh..." Mutsuki fidgeted with his fingers.

"He can't release his kagune." Shirazu explained.

"Oh." Hide's shoulders dropped.

Mutsuki frowned, looking guilty.

"It's okay, I'm sure you'll figure it out. Um, keep practicing? Is that a thing?" Hide asked awkwardly.

"Is this all that you called us together for?" Urie asked, an angry and annoyed tone in his voice.

"Um... yes?"

"This was pointless then." Urie retracted his kagune and started walking away.

"Why do I always feel like Urie hates me...?" Hide asked, looking at the other Quinx.

"I'm sure he doesn't...  _hate_  you." Mutsuki tried.

"Urie-kun's like that with everyone, don't take it personally." Shirazu said, patting him on the back.

\---

"Why is he even here?" Urie asked angrily, ranting to Shirazu and Mutsuki. "He's not a Quinx, not a half-ghoul, he's not even an investigator!"

"He's here because he's sensei's boyfriend." Mutsuki said.

 _(I don't care about Sasaki's personal life.)_  Urie rolled his eyes. "This shouldn't even be allowed."

"He's a nice guy..." Mutsuki said.

"Yeah! He's fun to have around and hang out with!" Shirazu agreed. "What's your problem with him?"

_(Of course you two wouldn't agree. This job isn't just fun and games and playing with your kagune.)_

Not satisfied and just further annoyed with their responses, Urie left and went to his room. He locked his door, turned his music up loud, and started to paint.

_(There's gotta be a reason he's here... I just can't figure out what it is... I guess so long as he doesn't get in the way of my training or suddenly join our squad, I won't complain. If he does, though, then I'll go straight to the head of the CCG and get him kicked out.)_


	11. Auction Raid

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter ended up extremely long but I didn’t want to divide it into 2 chapters.

Hide begged and begged to be on the Auction mission, and eventually Matsuri gave in. Marude had wanted Hide to be with him during the quinque steel transport, but Hide denied. The Auction was a big mission, and Hide worried about Haise getting in over his head.

And unfortunately… Hide had been correct.

A mysterious ghoul had shown up and Haise was tasked with keeping them busy as the other investigators were sent to take down either Nutcracker or Big Madam. They hadn’t heard from Haise since then, and Hide was getting nervous. He tried to contact Haise, but it wouldn’t go through. They had completely lost tabs on him.

Hide had been expressing his concern over the matter, but Matsuri didn't agree that it was concerning. 

“He’s a half-ghoul, Nagachika!” Matsuri yelled. “He’s got the best luck out of everyone here! Now shut up!”

“But!!!” Hide begged. “My intuition!!!”

Matsuri turned back around to the screens and continued giving squads orders.

 _I like Marude so much better than you…_ Hide muttered in his head as he crossed his arms and pouted like a child. _Alright, fine. If you’re not going to send anyone to support him, then I guess it’s up to me!_

\---

_This is dumb this is dumb I'm so gonna die!_

Hide was sneaking throughout the Auction building. Corpses of both human and ghouls alike littered the area, but thankfully no one around seemed to be alive. All the fights had long since been brought outside. But that didn't mean there couldn't be a ghoul around the corner, or the next one.

But just like Akira, Hide's intuition was never wrong. And he felt something really bad about Haise’s situation. Matsuri may be able to turn a blind eye to it, but Hide couldn’t.

Before the mission began, Hide had looked at the plans and made sure to memorize them in case something went wrong. He had a plan, and all he had to do was find the security cameras inside the Auction.

After running and wandering down tons of hallways, Hide finally made it to the security room. He quickly sat down and began to flip through all the security cameras, looking for his boyfriend.

_Come on, come on._

Suddenly he heard an ear piercing scream of pain that came from the audio of one of the cameras he flipped to. It was Haise’s voice. Squinting, Hide tried to make out what was happening on the security camera footage. Haise was easy enough to see with his white hair. But his attacker was dressed in dark clothes so they blended in with their surroundings and the dark sky. He couldn't make out who it was.

Suddenly, the ghoul grabbed Haise and ran off with him, and scaled the wall. They went right past the camera, and Hide got a brief but great glimpse of their face.

They had a single kakugan.

Everything clicked in his head. Hide realized whose voice it had been.

"Seidou..." Hide breathed. 

_How? When? Why is he attacking us? Is he a part of Aogiri now? Why is his hair white like Haise's? How did Haise's even turn white in the first place?_

Hide shook his head to snap himself out of it. He could question everything later. Right now he had to focus on rescuing Haise.

Hide flipped through more cameras, trying to find the new location where Seidou had dragged Haise. Once he found it, Hide pressed the button to project the audio to the entire Auction Raid. Surely someone would come to Haise's aid.

Hide kept his eyes glued to the cameras on Haise's position. Haise wasn’t even putting up a fight anymore. Seidou kept attacking and stabbing and punching him. Hide flinched with each hit Haise took, and tapped his fingers. 

_Come on, come on. Whoever you are, hurry up._

He hated watching this. Hated hearing Haise’s screams of pain. Hated that this was all he could do. 

_...What if no one's coming?_

_What if I sit here and watch Haise die?_

_What can I **do**?_

He had no quinque. No CCG training. Even if he stole a quinque from a corpse, he knew he wouldn't survive long. He was no match for Seidou.

_I have to do **something**._

Groaning in anger, Hide ran off to Haise's location. He grabbed a quinque from a human corpse and quickly grabbed the robes from a ghoul corpse, and disguised himself just as he did two years ago when getting Aogiri’s location. Hopefully this old trick would still work…

\---

He finally found the main Auction room, and was surprised to see Saiko standing there.

"Saiko-chan?!" Hide whispered as he snuck over beside her.

"Papan!" She whispered back, surprised. Tears were streaming down her face. "Maman is...!"

With the sound of an impact, Hide looked out. They were in the lowest level of nosebleed seats, and looking down at what used to be the auction stage and lower seating area. But now it just looked like a battlefield. A few feet in front of them, a woman was crouching. She wasn’t wearing CCG armor, so Hide knew she had to be a ghoul.

"I think she saved Maman..." Saiko explained.

With another impact sound, Hide looked up. There were Haise and Seidou, scaling the walls and fighting. At least Haise was putting up a fight again.

_Please be careful, Haise._

All Hide could do was watch. He gripped the hand-railing until his knuckles turned white.

Seidou grabbed Haise and started dragging him along the flooring. Hide grimaced. Haise’s body was forcing up the floorboards and chairs, and it looked super painful. And then finally they came to a stop. Haise wasn’t moving again.

“Maman…” Saiko whined.

_Come on, Haise, get up!_

As if hearing Hide’s thoughts, Haise snapped his head up. Seidou slapped a hand to his face, likely against a wound, and jumped a safe distance back. And then the two of them released their kagune and struck at the same time, both hitting their targets.

“Yes!” Hide screamed.  _Haise got him!_

And then the two of them collapsed at the same time.

Hide and Saiko gasped.

Hide really wanted to run down there and make sure Haise was okay. He wanted to pull Haise safely into his arms and take him back to the CCG medics. But Hide wasn't sure if that female ghoul down there was friend or foe.

Before he could do anything stupid, Arima showed up.

_Never thought I’d be happy to see him…_

Hide ducked down so that Arima wouldn't see him. Hide wasn't supposed to be here in the field.

Hide gestured to Saiko to be quiet and not let anyone know he was here, and then he peeked through the chairs and handrails to see what Arima would do. The female ghoul was just sitting there. She must have been too weak to fight. Hide could hear Arima’s shoes hit the floor as he walked closer toward her. He didn’t say anything. Even from this distance and even being his assistant, Arima was still really intimidating.

And then Hide saw Haise force himself to his feet. He stumbled a bit, but didn't fall.

Hide flinched as he heard the tapping of someone running, this time coming from behind him and Saiko. He ducked down even further, and turned around to see Akira. Akira muttered something, and she looked shaken. Hide followed her gaze, and his eyes widened when he saw Seidou retreating.

Hide turned away and closed his eyes, ashamed.  _I’m sorry I couldn’t have told you… I thought it would have been better if you didn’t know what happened to him. I never thought you’d actually see him again…_

“Haise?” Arima called out.

Hide shifted his focus back onto Arima, Haise, and the female ghoul. He could only hear a little bit of their conversation, and he had to fill in the blanks with their body language and what he knew of CCG protocols.

Once Arima left, Hide made his move. He swung on the railing and landed on the lower floor, then ran over to Haise and the female ghoul. Upon seeing Haise close-up, he looked heavily injured. His face and hair were smeared with tons of blood, and he looked weary and exhausted.

"H-Hide..." Haise whispered. 

The girl at his side gasped and stared at Hide. Hide took half a step back. Haise didn't seem to notice either of this happen. Or maybe he didn't care or didn't want to question it right now.

"You're not supposed to be here." Haise continuing, sounding very displeased.

Hide waited to be berated, but it never came. Haise just sighed heavily, took the ghoul (gently) by the hand, and lead her away. Haise seemed distracted, like his mind wasn't all there. 

Hide trailed behind them, not saying anything.

\---

Hide waited until Haise handed the ghoul off to be taken to Cochlea and the two of them were alone before he spoke.

"Do you know her?" Hide asked.

"..." Haise considered his answer. "Do _you_?"

"I don't think so..." Hide replied.  _But it seemed like she knew me._

"She called me Onii-chan. She must have known me as Kaneki." Haise said matter-of-factly. He didn’t have any hint of emotion in his voice.

Hide couldn't remember her name, but now he remembered Kaneki telling him once or twice about a young girl staying in Anteiku. The Daughter Ghoul.

“Are you gonna talk to her?” Hide asked. “Since she’s one of Kaneki’s friends?”

“She's Aogiri. I don't think I _want_ to know her.” Haise replied. He started walking away.

_Why would Kaneki have befriended an Aogiri ghoul? Maybe she helped him escape after he got kidnapped...?_

“She saved you, didn’t she?” Hide asked, following behind him.

For that alone, Hide owed her. He didn't care what organization she belonged to. He couldn’t let her rot in Cochlea. And neither could Haise.

“She’s a ghoul.” Haise practically hissed.

“So what? So are you!” Hide yelled in response.

“Am I a ghoul, or a human?” Haise spun around. He was yelling now too. “You can’t just pick which one I am for that moment’s convenience, Hide.”

Hide blinked.  _Is this a fight? Are we fighting? We haven’t fought before. I guess it was just a matter of time..._

“You’re both, Haise! You’re both a human _and_ a ghoul. You need to accept that! You can’t pretend you’re only one or the other!”

Haise growled and turned around.

_I don’t care what you say. You care about her. I saw the way you looked at her and touched her. You’re just conflicted, but don’t take it out on me._

\---

Now knowing that the female ghoul was the young girl who Kaneki helped care for at Anteiku, Hide's heart went out for her. She was the Daughter Ghoul, currently known under the alias Yotsume, with the family name Fueguchi. 

Hide couldn't imagine if he was in her place. If Hide hadn't been able to save Kaneki back then. If one day he found Kaneki again by chance, only to find Kaneki hunting and killing humans. That Kaneki didn't remember him and went by some strange, new name. If Kaneki took him as a prisoner, and Hide wasn’t sure if he would live or die.

_It must be horrible…_

"Um, hello?" Hide asked awkwardly. He had only ever been to Cochlea to visit Kaneki.

Fueguchi glanced up at him, and then looked back down.

"Should I call you Yotsume or Fueguchi?"

"Yotsume..." She whispered.

"Okay, Yotsume it is." Hide said politely.

She still looked nervous and scared, and she was avoiding eye contact.

"Hey." Hide said, loud enough to catch her attention but softly enough to sound comforting. "I'm not here to interrogate you. And you're not being recorded, although I guess you have no reason to believe me."

She looked up at him again, her curiosity piqued.

"My name is Hide."

Her eyes widened, and she repeated it. "Hide..."

"You knew Kaneki, didn't you?" Hide asked, trying to get to the point.

She smiled and nodded. She sat upright, and she seemed much more alert and happier.

"Kaneki's my onii-chan! He used to help me read, and he and Onee-chan took care of me after my mom--" The ghoul trailed off, and she decided to ask a question instead of dwell on bad memories. "You were Onii-chan's human friend, right? I remember him mentioning you. I... didn't know you were a Dove..."

"I'm only here for Haise. Er, Kaneki. I'm not an actual ghoul investigator. I just kinda help them out and keep tabs on stuff. Ah, that still sounds pretty bad, huh?"

"It's okay. I trust you if you're Onii-chan's friend." She smiled politely.

"Thanks."

"Does he remember anything?" 

Hide shook his head. "I'm sorry."

"That's what I thought..." She looked down. "I still care for him. I still want to protect him."

"I wish you could have reunited on better terms."

"I saved him. He's alive. That's what matters." She put a hand against the glass between them, and her voice turned grim. "What's going to happen to me?"

"I... I don't know..." Hide said honestly. He put his hand against the glass so that his hand aligned with hers. "But I'm going to try to get you out of here. I saw the way Haise looked at you and took your hand. I don't know if he remembers anything about you, but I know that he cares about you. We'll get you out of here. I promise."

\--Bonus--

"Mutsuki-kun!!!" Hide called out excitedly, the next day following the auction raid. He made sure it was when he and Mutsuki could be alone.

"Eh? W-what?" Mutsuki asked, surprised by the sudden attention.

"I heard you released your kagune! Congratulations!!!"

"Thank you, Hide-san." Mutsuki replied politely.

"Can you bring it out at any time now?" Hide asked.

Mutsuki knew what he really wanted to know. "I don't, um... I'm not sure if I can..."

"Can you try???" Hide asked, giving him puppy dog eyes.

"I guess..." Mutsuki concentrated, and then a long green kagune tail appeared behind him.

"Wow!" Hide exclaimed.

"Huh..." Mutsuki reached for it and examined it. "It looks a little bit different now. There's only one, but there was 4 or 5 of them yesterday."

"I heard that kagune can look a little bit different each time you use it."

"Oh yeah." Mutsuki said. "Weird..."

"It looks kinda like a scorpion tail. Neat!"

"Thanks..." Mutsuki said, smiling pridefully at successfully releasing his kagune.


	12. Are You Happy Like This?

"Are you happy like this?"

Hide had asked Haise this many times before. And Haise had always answered yes while touching his chin.

"..." This time, Haise hesitated. "Honestly? I'm not..."

Hide knew that was the answer, but it still hurt to hear it from Haise's mouth.

"Don't get me wrong, I love everyone here. Arima-san and Akira-san are practically my parents. I feel like the Quinx are my kids. I love them all. And you... Hide, you're my best friend and boyfriend. I'm so glad you still wanted to be friends with me after I lost my memory. But..." Haise sighed. "I'm still a half-ghoul. Everyone treats me okay, but I can't help but feel like... this won't last... I'm a danger to everyone here."

"Haise, you're not—"

"I know you don't believe it, but everyone else does.  _I do._  I don't trust myself. And it's true that the CCG made a deal that if I go out of control and they can't calm me down, then I'm the same as any other ghoul."

Hide knew about the deal. Heck, he's the one that agreed to it so that Kaneki would be able to live. And he knew Haise was aware of the conditions placed on his life. But it was still awful to hear Haise say from his own mouth that he knew anyone at the CCG could turn on him and kill him if he lost it one day. He couldn't imagine being in that place.

"That's a lot to deal with... I'm surprised you held it together this far. I probably wouldn't have..." Hide said honestly, not sure what else to say.

"I didn't really have a choice..." Haise scoffed.

"Do you think anyone actually would? I mean, you’ve made so many friends here."

"I don't know. Probably..." Haise sighed. "I'm not human. I once was, or so I hear, but I'm not anymore. If it came down to it, and I did lose control, they'd probably be okay with taking me down."

"I wouldn't be." Hide said. He grabbed Haise's hand and squeezed. "I wouldn't be able to do it."

"You're just an assistant, Hide. You don't know what it's like in the field. To kill ghouls for a living." Haise squeezed his eyes shut. "Evil or not, it's hard to take a life. You need to desensitize yourself to it. I know they wouldn't hold back against me."

Haise closed his eyes again and leaned back. "This is just... a happy dream. I don't know how much longer I can keep doing this..."

"You can't get out of it, can you?" Hide asked sadly. Haise shook his head.

Hide doubted that Haise had the same rights as the other investigators. Arima possibly still had ownership over him. Hide doubted the CCG would let a ghoul— even an ex-human half-ghoul— live as a human. 

\--Chapter 12.5: Misunderstanding--

“Hey, Hide. You said you knew me when I was Ken Kaneki, right?”

Hide nodded and spoke cautiously. “Yeah. I did.”

“Did you... Did you know me as a ghoul?”

Hide grimaced and said honestly, “I'm sorry, but I don’t know much about that...” He felt a ping of guilt. He really wished he knew about what Kaneki did as a ghoul. He wished he could have found him and talked to him a lot sooner than in the sewers. “Maybe you could check the files...?”

_Is telling him that a good idea? But the CCG wouldn’t make any info that could set him off easy for him to find._

“I tried that already... I couldn’t find anything...”

“I’m sorry.” Hide said, then curiously asked. “What did you want to know?”

“...Nevermind. Forget I asked.” Haise said quickly, and walked away.

“Uh...!” Hide was going to call out to stop him, but he figured he should just leave it alone. “O-okay!” 

Hide frowned. Haise seemed bothered by whatever he was thinking of.

\---

Haise stared at his empty desk. Nothing. He had no information on Kaneki Ken. He didn't even know what kanji his name was made up of!

_Ugh, I should have thought to ask Hide that earlier. But he only knew Kaneki when he was human and not as a ghoul. He doesn't know anything._

_Of course he doesn't know anything. He probably doesn't **want** to know anything. He's with **me** now, I'm sure he doesn't like me bringing Kaneki up._

Haise sighed. He was on his own in tracking down information on his past-self.


	13. Christmas

Today was December 20th.

This time of year, especially this day, always held sadness for Hide. It was Kaneki’s birthday, but it wasn’t Haise’s birthday. Arima had told Haise his birthday was on April 2nd, so that's when Haise always celebrated it. Hide never asked Arima why he changed it. Maybe he just didn't want to have the same birthday as Haise. 

The reason why didn't matter to Hide. Whenever Kaneki's birthday came, it always felt as if Hide was mourning his death. He wondered if anyone ever caught on that he was always more sensitive during this time of year.

But Haise was having a Christmas Party, so he pushed that sadness down best he could and tried to be happy for his boyfriend. And once the party started, they all had a great time. Takeomi, Kuramoto, Suzuya, Hanbee, and even Arima and Akira came over.

\---

Hide felt a little weird once it was announced that dinner was ready, since he wouldn't be eating anything, but it helped that he was sitting next to Haise, who wasn't eating anything either. These were Haise's closest friends and people he considered family, so there was no questions asked. Conversations easily started, and all his worries were forgotten.

"They'll be conducting a Quinx aptitude test again this year." Akira told everyone, changing the subject from Arima to the Quinx. "They might be planning on increasing the number of Quinx."

"Think you'll be applying, Hide?" Kuramoto asked.

"Huh? Me?" Hide asked, dreading the direction this conversation was going. "N-no, I'm not going to."

"Why not? It seems this will be the future of the CCG. Soon everyone else will be obsolete. And it seems like a very interesting and exciting thing to experience."

"I..." Hide struggled. His views on the Quinx project were complicated and very personal. He hoped that Arima or Akira would save him from having to explain himself, but they seemed to be interested in his answer. "Um..."

Thankfully, Haise came to his rescue. "Hide's not even an investigator! He's not interested in being out in the field!"

"Yeah," Hide agreed. "I'm a real wuss. No matter how much training, I would never be able to fight in the field."

Everyone eased off after that, suddenly realizing that Hide was the only one at this party who had no field training or experience. Hide almost thought it was funny. Imagine if they found out his real intents. Imagine if they knew how much he would risk if he was actually fighting for a just cause.

\---

After dinner, Haise revealed that he had presents for each of the Quinx kids. Everyone moved into the living room, and they each opened up their gifts. Urie got new headphones, Saiko a video game, Shirazu a model motorcycle, and Mutsuki a leather eyepatch.

"Now it's your turn." Haise smiled, turning towards his boyfriend.

"Me?" Hide asked. Haise and him had spent last Christmas together, but that was as friends, and this time they had an audience.

"Oooh! What'd you get him?" Saiko asked excitedly.

"Wait, how long have you been together?" Mutsuki asked.

"A year and a half." Akira answered.

"Did'ya get him something expensive???" Shirazu asked.

"Shirazu! Price doesn't matter!" Mutsuki told him.

Urie rolled his eyes and turned up his music to block them out.

Haise ignored all of them, and handed a small wrapped box to Hide before sitting beside him on the couch. Everyone was still talking, but it was suddenly incredibly easy to block them out. For Hide, it was just him and Haise.

Hide carefully unwrapped the box and then opened it. It was a necklace, with a golden rabbit pendant.

Hide admired it and then looked at his boyfriend. "I love it. Thank you." He hugged Haise and rubbed their noses together. "I'll go get yours. Hold on a second." Hide jumped up and ran to his room, and then ran back with a wrapped gift and handed it to Haise.

Haise opened it up, and laughed when he realized what it was. It was a set of take-on-the-go coffee mugs that had puns on them, such as "Words cannot expresso how much you bean to me", or "I love you a latte".

It was a lot less serious than Haise's gift for him, but Haise seemed to love it all the same.

\---

Later on, Haise and Arima left the room to talk in privacy. Hide knew they would be catching up, and that Haise would give him his Christmas present. So Hide decided to do something similar. He tapped Akira on the shoulder and walked her into one of their spare bedrooms.

"Don't tell the others, but I got you something too, Akira-san." Hide said. He pulled out a very small wrapped box and handed it to her.

"Aww, you didn't need to." She said, carefully taking it from him.

"And before you open it..." Hide began, and gave her a playful wink. "No romo."

Akira raised an eyebrow and giggled, and then opened her gift. It was a black ring. She tried it on, putting it on her right middle finger. It was the perfect size.

"You know what that is, right?" Hide asked.

"Of course I do. An Ace ring." Akira said as she admired it. "I was wondering why Kiyoko-san was asking me about rings..." She gave Hide a knowing look, followed by a hug. "Thank you, Nagachika."

\--The Next Morning--

“Huh? What’s this?” Hide asked. On the counter there was a book that looked awfully familiar to him. Hide came closer to read the title.

It was The Hanged Man’s MacGuffin by Sen Takatsuki.

_Calm down, Hide. Both Kaneki and Haise read Takatsuki. It’s just a coincidence._

“Oh, that book? I got sent it from some strange address. I’m gonna look into it soon.” Haise explained. He was making coffee in the kitchen.

“What address?” Hide asked.

_Please tell me he didn’t._

“Some place called HySy.”

_Damnit._

“Really? Never heard of it.” Hide lied.

_What does Uta-san think he’s doing meddling around with something like this without my permission?_

“And I also got sent a mask, of all things." Haise said.

Hide fought the urge to facepalm. _Of course he sent that too..._  

"Lots of secret Santas, huh?" Haise asked. He looked at the clock. “I should head out. I’ll see you later, babe.” Haise put a lid on his coffee, waved goodbye, and then headed out the door.

Hide glared at the book and then sighed in defeat.

_Well, the damage has been done. I just hope this doesn’t make Haise unravel..._

Hide had held onto the signed Takatsuki book in case he wasn’t allowed to stay at the CCG or meet with Haise. It was his backup plan to get into contact with Haise, or possibly even to try to get Kaneki's memories to come back. He didn’t trust to keep the book at his own apartment, so he trusted it with Uta. Apparently that seemed to be a mistake.

Hide opened up the box beside the book, pulling out Kaneki’s Eyepatch mask to look at it.

“Huh… I wonder if I could convince Haise to wear this. I never did get to see Kaneki wearing it.” Hide said to himself, smiling sadly before he put it back away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1) Hide and Akira are aroace/pan solidarity.
> 
> 2) Since we never found out in canon if Hide was working with anyone, for this fic he will be working with both Uta and Eto.


	14. Rose

Hide didn’t even remember how they found it. He and Haise had been hanging out and talking about work, just the usual, and somehow one conversation lead to another, and they came across it.

Kijima’s video.

It was horrible from start to finish. What Kijima did to torture the ghoul was shown in plain sight, and you could hear all the threats he told the Rose ghouls.  Kijima didn’t hide anything about what he was doing during the torture, and this video was open and could be viewed by the public. There wasn’t even an age restriction on it.

Haise just watched silently, horror and pity and sadness on his face. Yet he never reached to pause or close out of the video.

After quite a while Hide had enough. He couldn’t watch anymore. He felt horrible and felt sick. He went in the corner of the room and stuck his head between his legs. Haise didn’t stop the video, so Hide could still hear the screams, hear the awful sounds, hear Kijima’s pride and taunts and threats.

It felt like eternity before the video ended. But all of it replayed in Hide’s mind's eye, over and over again.

Hide flinched when someone touched him, and then he relaxed when he realized it was only Haise.

Haise had been softly calling his name, and was now rubbing his back as he slowly sat down beside him.

“You okay?”

Hide shook his head. “No.”

Haise continued to rub his back. They sat in silence.

“What do you think of it?” Hide asked.

“What do I think of what?” Haise replied.

“Kijima’s methods.” _I can’t even call it that. He doesn’t deserve it. I need to call it what it was._ “His torture of that ghoul.”

Haise looked away. “What do _you_ think of it?”

“What do you _think_ I think of it?” Hide spat, hoping his words didn’t come out as too aggressive. Or at least, not directed at his boyfriend. “It was awful. Cruel. Sick.”

Haise nodded. “Yeah. I think so too.”

It wasn’t until later that Hide realized why Haise had wanted to know his opinion first. Kijima had tortured a _Rose_ ghoul. One of the ghouls that had gone around abducting people.

Haise already had issues with the CCG thinking he sympathized with ghouls.

The Rose ghouls weren’t innocent.

But they were still people. They didn’t deserve that.

Hide wondered what the public thought.

\---

Surprisingly, in the two and a half years that Hide had known Haise, worked with him, and hung out with him around the 1st ward, they had never been attacked by ghouls.

That is, until today.

It started out with a masked ghoul appearing and then running; obviously a trap. But Shirazu and Urie fell for it, and they ran after the ghoul. And that left the rest of them -- Haise, Mutsuki, Hide, and Saiko -- to follow after the two of them.

And then they got ambushed. Haise held the attacking ghouls off and told Mutsuki to go find Urie and Shirazu and escape, and to take Saiko and Hide with him.

And of course, since it was an ambush, more ghouls showed up to pursue and fight them. Mutsuki held them off and sent Saiko and Hide to go find a place to hide.

Knowing escaping the place would be too dangerous, Hide and Saiko grabbed each other's hands and found a place to hide. Since they were in a parking garage, the only place they could find to "hide" was in the corner, behind a car. They sat and silently waited for the Quinx to fight off the ghouls and come find them.

But, again-- it was an ambush. So it was just a matter of time before another ghoul found their hiding spot.

And one did. This ghoul had long, black hair, a lazy eye, and his mask looked like it was made of bones.

Hiding in the corner turned out to be a bad idea, because now Hide and Saiko were cornered. They clung to each other, both shaking and terrified.

_We’re dead we’re dead we’re dead._

The ghoul looked right at Hide, and Hide swallowed nervously. He knew the fear of being chased and attacked by ghouls, as well as the pain of being eaten alive by one.

“Hi...de...” The ghoul said slowly.

_What...?_

The ghoul suddenly grabbed him and shoved him away. Hide fell backwards onto the concrete, but he shot to sit right back up.

“You... You know me?!” Hide yelled.  _I don’t recognize him. How does he know me?!_

The ghoul nodded, but was much more interested in looking back at Saiko. Then the ghoul strangled her, restricting her movement.

“Don’t move.” The ghoul threatened. "If you move, it’ll break."

“W-wait!” Hide cried. “You said you know me! Please don’t hurt her.”

The ghoul shook his head. “...'m Starving.”

The ghoul bit down on Saiko’s arm, and she cried out in pain.

Hide wanted to help her, but he couldn’t move his body. He was frozen in fear. Even if he could act, what could he do against a _ghoul_ when he had no weapon or training?

“Please stop!” Hide cried. Yelling and begging was the only thing he could do. Tears pricked at his eyes.

_She’s going to die! I need to do something! But I can’t!_

And then another noise sounded. Someone was coming. It was likely another ghoul.

_Please, no. Not now. Do something, Hide!_

This ghoul was covered in a robe, and he was very tall and appeared to be very strong. He punched forward, and his fist made contact with the ghoul attacking Saiko, who was sent crashing into the concrete wall on the other side of the garage.

Hide looked up at the new ghoul in confusion.

_Did they... save us?_

Then Hide saw the red arm, as well as their single kakugan as it faded away back to a human eye. Hide knew exactly who it was, and he knew he wasn’t in danger anymore. His body started working again.

“S-Saiko-chan!” Hide cried, rushing to her side. “Are you okay?” He checked her bleeding arm.

She was shaking, obviously terrified, but nodded. “I-I think so. I think it’ll heal.” She looked up at their savior. “Th... thanks?”

“Thank you.” Hide breathed. _Man it’s lucky that you were here._

Hide helped pull Saiko up and support her so she could stand. He could hear Amon retreating behind him. Then he heard footsteps come from the other direction. A group of people were running closer.

_If Amon's leaving, then it's got to be safe._

“Hide! Saiko-chan! Are you okay?” Haise called out, the rest of the Quinx trailing behind him.

\---

“Saiko-chan?” Hide asked timidly as he knocked on her door. He wasn’t even sure if she would answer.

He heard the video game music coming from her room stop, and then the door opened.

“Yeah, papan?”

“I wanted to apologize about earlier. I’m really sorry. I... I was useless.”

_You almost died and I didn’t do anything to try to save you._

“It’s okay, papan.” She smiled weakly.

“No it’s not, Saiko-chan!” Hide cried out. “You call me that, and I should be able to protect you, but I didn’t! I couldn't!” What kind of parental figure can't protect their kids?!

“It’s not your fault. _I’m_ the one who should be sorry.  _I_ should have been the one protecting _you_. I should have been capable enough to save myself. I’m the Quinx.” She rolled her eyes and scoffed.

“Saiko-chan...”

“I’m the one who’s useless.” She muttered.

Hide pulled her into a hug. “Don’t tell yourself that.”

“But I am!” She cried, and then sniffled. “I didn’t want to be here! I didn’t want to be an investigator or a Quinx, but I am, and I can’t get out of it, and things are getting more dangerous and scary and I don’t know what to do!”

Hide was at a loss. He had assumed that this was what she chose, that she wanted to be a Quinx, just like the other kids had.

"I didn't know that. I'm sorry." He whispers, hugging her tighter as she cried against his chest.

\---

Hide was doing his normal boring assistant duties when he heard a knock on the door. Hide hurried over and opened it. He expected it to be Arima or Marude with more tasks for him, but instead it was Akira.

“Could you spare a few minutes?” She asked.

"Um, sure."

Akira gestured for him to follow her, and she led him into one of the offices that was used for questioning victims of ghoul attacks.

“What’s going on?” Hide asked. What did Akira want to talk about that would require this much privacy?

“I have some questions about the ghoul that saved you and Yonebayashi. I just finished asking her.”

Hide swallowed down his nerves. “Okay, shoot.”

Akira started out asking typical questions that an investigator would ask for any case, and then they slowly began to get more specific and personal.

Hide made sure to choose his answers carefully. He knew a lot more than he should about his and Saiko’s ghoul savior.

At one point, he lied to her and said that he didn’t get a good look at the ghoul. Well, it wasn’t really a lie. It was true that Amon had a hood on and was hiding his face and appearance. Hide just didn’t mention the fact that he knew who the ghoul was.

After many questions, Akira seemed to realize Hide didn’t have any good information, and she began to wrap up her questions. She chewed on her lip, likely trying to think if there were any final questions she could think of to ask before ending her questioning.

“Okay, that’s all. You can go back to your work now.” She sounded disappointed and sad.

“Lotta questions for just some random ghoul.” Hide commented as he headed for the door. He was trying to play dumb, but maybe he was pushing it too hard.

“I was just thinking...” Akira began. Hide froze and turned to look at her. She hesitated for a while before she finally finished, “If Takizawa ended up alive... then maybe...” She trailed off and locked eyes with him. She knew that he would understand what she was saying.

“Takizawa was a ghoul.” Hide pointed out. If she did succeed in finding Amon, or even encountering Takizawa again, she had to remember that.

Akira narrowed her eyes, and gave Hide a slight pout. He knew what she likely wanted to say to him.

_“You got your best friend-now-boyfriend back as a ghoul. Why can't I have the people I cared about back?"”_

“Just... keep that in mind.” Hide added.

If the time came, she could confide in him about caring about people who happened to be ghouls. But Hide had no idea where she stood in her views on ghouls, especially since he knew she still had a grudge against Yotsume. Hide couldn't risk her compromising his relationship with Haise.

“If Amon  _is_ alive,” Hide began as he opened the door to leave, “I hope you find him.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you’re confused about the ghoul that attacked them, it’s Shikorae, aka Rio. In the video game Jail, he worked at Anteiku for a little while, and he knew Hide and also Kaneki.


	15. Masks

"Have I already told you what our next mission is?" Haise asked.

"No, I haven't heard any updates. Is the Rose Extermination being planned already?"

"Not yet. I'm talking about a different mission. Ui-san finally gave my idea the green-light. The Quinx squad and I are going to become ghouls to go undercover and get intel.” Haise explained. 

“Huh, that’s a really smart idea... As long as you guys hide your human eye, I bet no ghouls will even notice!” Hide exclaimed. “Are you using the mask you were sent?”

“Yeah, that’s actually what gave me the idea.”

“Um...” Hide began shyly. “D’you think it would be okay if I saw you with your mask on? I mean... you in your ghoul disguise? Like we did with Sasako?”

“My ghoul disguise isn’t going to be cute.”

“It’s you; you’ll be cute in anything you wear.” 

Haise blushed. “Well, I guess you haven’t seen what the mask looks like yet then.”

\---

Finally the day came when the Quinx squad's masks arrived from HySy. The squad and Hide sat around the living room as they unboxed the masks and then helped each other figure out how to put them on.

"Wow! You guys really do look like ghouls!” Hide exclaimed once everyone's mask was on.

Hide got close to the Quinx one by one, taking in their designs. It was hard to explain, but each one seemed to fit the Quinx well.

_Uta-san sure is impressive._

“The active kakugan doesn’t freak you out?” Mutsuki asked, turning his head away when Hide came to look at his mask.

Unlike the other Quinx, Mutsuki was never was able to control his kakugan, and so he always covered it with an eyepatch. This was the first time Hide saw his kakugan uncovered and active. It was also the first time in a while that Hide was seeing anyone's kakugan.

“Not at all. It looks cool!” Hide said, and he meant it. He always was interested in kakugan and kagune.

“Do I look scary in my mask?” Haise asked. “Be honest.”

“Yeah.” Shirazu answered without missing a beat.

“Kinda...” Mutsuki said.

“Nah, you look cute.” Hide said.

Both Mutsuki and Shirazu gave him a look, and Haise rolled his eyes playfully.

"Do  _I_  look cute?" Saiko asked.

"Of course you do, Saiko-chan!" Hide laughed.

“And I look cool?” Shirazu asked.

“Yes. You and Mucchan and Urie-kun all look cool, and Saiko-chan and Haise look cute.”

Mutsuki pulled his mask off to hang around his neck, and then Saiko pulled her mask off and let it rest on her head.

“Although, I think Haise would look cool if he activated his eye.” Hide said in a hinting voice, and then winked at Haise.

“Nope. Not happening.” Haise replied as he pulled his mask off, letting it hang around his neck just like Mutsuki’s.

Hide pouted. “Fine!” He grabbed Mutsuki’s arm and pulled him closer. “Put your mask back on, Mucchan!”

“Eh? Why?”

“Because I wanna see someone here look like a real ghoul, and my boyfriend’s not listening to me!” Hide glared at Haise.

“Um, o-okay, Hide-san...” Mutsuki pulled his arm out of Hide’s grasp and then pulled his mask back on.

“Now, everyone activate your kagune!” Hide yelled.

“No!” Haise quickly yelled, waving his arms to get everyone’s attention. “No kagune use in the house!”

“So if we go outside can we?” Shirazu asked.

“I like your thinking!” Hide held up his hand for a high-five.

Shirazu tried to high-five him back, but his mask restricted his vision so he missed. Hide and Shirazu started laughing hysterically.

Haise sighed in exasperation. “No, no you cannot.”

“Killjoy.” Hide muttered.

\---

Ever since he woke up screaming one night, Shirazu seemed different. No one but Hide seemed to notice it. Hide supposed that it made sense, it wasn't incredibly obvious. Shirazu seemed happy and content and like his normal self every day, but Hide could see that it was just a facade. It didn't seem authentic. Hide knew that he had to be depressed. Hide had felt and acted the same way when Kaneki went missing. He had been miserable and mourning on the inside, but he put on a smile and chatted with classmates and coworkers and strangers every day.

“Is everything okay?” Hide asked him one day when they could talk alone.

“Huh? Why wouldn’t it be?”

“You... kinda seem different lately. I was worried about you.” Hide said gently.

“I’m fine.”

“Well, I’m here if you ever wanna talk.” Hide didn't want to push anything.

“I don’t know if its something you can help me with...” Shirazu admitted.

“Try me.”

“I can’t use my quinque.”

“Have you tried asking Akira-san?”

“Not like that. I feel...” Shirazu struggled for a word to use, before settling on, “...Guilt?”

“Oh.”

“Is that bad? I mean, I shouldn’t feel guilty for killing a monster.”

“No, no, it’s not bad!” Hide quickly said.

Shirazu gave him a look.

“I mean... um...” Hide scratched at his cheek. “They, y’know, look and seem human so, I’d guess that it’s pretty normal to feel that way?”

“But they’re not human.” Shirazu said, glancing back at Hide. “Right?”

“I... I don’t know.” Hide said. He knew it would be much safer to lie and say Shirazu was correct, but he didn’t feel right saying that.

“I don’t know either anymore...” Shirazu whispered.

He must have thought Hide was just as confused and conflicted as he was, because he took that as their conversation was over, and he walked away.

 

\--Chapter 15.5: Kaneki Ken--

_“I killed Amon-san...”_

Haise had known very little of his past. He knew he was at one point a full human and then he somehow got turned into a half-ghoul, and now he had amnesia and worked with the CCG to hunt down ghouls. He always had a feeling that he had done awful things as a ghoul, but it was another thing to know it for certain.

He had killed an investigator. And not just any investigator, but an investigator that Akira knew. 

Haise laid his head down on his desk.

_I wonder what she really thinks of me..._

Haise also remembered the other day, when he asked Hide if he knew anything about his past.

_I'm such an idiot._

He regretted it. Sure, Hide said he didn't know anything, so there was no harm done. But now Hide knew that Haise was questioning things about who he used to be.

Haise couldn't bring this up with Hide again. Imagine if Hide found out his history. He couldn't handle Hide looking at him with hate or fear. Although, Hide may already know the truth...

Haise also remembered what Fueguchi had said about him.

_"I think a lot of people... are in the same position. Because... everyone liked Onii-chan."_

Everyone liked Kaneki... But who exactly was "everyone"? If  _ghouls_  liked Kaneki, well, Haise wasn't sure how he felt about that. Fueguchi seemed nice, but if several ghouls liked him that probably wasn’t a good thing. 

Not to mention the fact that he had seen several ghouls fearing him, when he went undercover as a ghoul. 

Ultimately, Haise’s main concern and what he couldn't stop thinking about, was Hide. He wondered what Hide thought about him versus Kaneki. Would Hide want Kaneki back too? Would Hide prefer Kaneki over him?

\---

"Hide, I just have one question about Kaneki Ken." Haise said one night, as he walked over and leaned on the back of one of the couches.

"Um, alright. What is it?"

Hide seemed nervous, and that just further proved Haise's thoughts.

"Was Kaneki... a good person?"

Hide blinked, and seemed to be considering his answer. Haise could hear as he was about to say something, and then he stopped and shut his mouth. It took a few moments, but then Hide finally responded in a sad, small voice. "Yeah. He was." He didn't add on to his answer; he just left it at that.

Haise nodded in understanding. "Thank you." He stood upright and walked away. “Goodnight.”


	16. Tsukiyama Extermination

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m sorry

Hide paced around the living room nervously. He really wanted to get the current location of the CCG raid and go there and help support them, but he knew it would be dangerous. He’d get berated by the CCG command for disobeying orders. Again.

_Like that matters. Haise could die!_

The trip there could be dangerous too. If any ghouls try to escape, Hide could get caught up in it. They evacuate the streets of civilians for a reason. He’d just get in the way.

Besides, Haise had made Hide promise that he would stay at the Chateaux. He was pretty worried after what reckless things Hide did at the Auction Raid.

Finally, Hide had enough of his worries and stress and he called up the CCG staff.

“It’s Nagachika. How’s the raid going?”

Over the years, Hide had become pretty close with the majority of people working at the CCG. Everyone knew his relationship with Haise, and knew that Hide could be trusted, so he hoped that whoever would answer this call would give him an update.

Hide couldn't remember her name, but he recognized the voice of the woman who answered as one of those people.

“Everything’s going really well!” She answered happily. It unsettled Hide that she was so upbeat about an entire family of ghouls being murdered. “We’re targeting the last few remaining ghouls, and they have no way of escaping. It should all be over pretty soon.”

“How’s Haise?”

“Investigator Sasaki is currently standing by, waiting for orders or any confirmation on a ghoul.”

Hide sighed in relief.

_He’s not fighting? They don’t need him?_

“Thank you.”

“It’s no problem, Nagachika-san!”

\---

"Welcome home, Haise!" Hide called out as he heard the front door open. It was his boyfriend, who had just come back from his successful mission. 

As soon as Hide saw him, however, Hide gasped. He jumped to his feet and made a beeline for the door. Haise didn’t look too good.

The little of white that was left in the tips of Haise's hair were coated in blood, as was his face. He must have been severely wounded during the fight. He also looked exhausted. He had a strange look on his face. He looked indifferent, or depressed. Maybe even mad? It was a hard expression to place.

"Hey, you okay?" Hide asked softly. He reached to take his hand to comfort him, and was surprised to feel scales instead of skin. "...Huh?"

Hide pulled Haise's hand closer to get a better look at it. It was red, the same color that he knew his kagune was, and covered in scales. Hide ran a thumb along the texture before Haise pulled his hand away and hid it from view.

"Don't..." Haise whispered, desperation and embarrassment in his voice.

"What happened?" Hide asked.

"I..." Haise hesitated. “I remember.”

"What?!" Hide asked. "Are you okay, Haise?"

"I don't know..." Haise grabbed his head. "I just need time to to think..." He looked back up at him. "And please, call me Kaneki."

Hide blinked. "O-okay. Kaneki." 

It felt strange to say his old name again.

Hai- er, Kaneki smiled at him, but it looked a little forced, and then he went into his room and closed the door. Hide heard him lock it.

"K-Kaneki. If you need anything or wanna talk, just let me know, okay?" Hide called out

Kaneki didn't answer.

Hide went into his own room. He touched his face through his scarf.

_I wonder... What exactly he remembers..._

\---

After sitting in his room fearfully for a while, Hide realized that Kaneki wasn't going to leave his room to confront him about his returned memories. Needing a change of scenery, Hide left his room and sat in the living room. He turned on the TV and tried to take his mind off things. 

This was Kaneki, after all. It would take a while for him to work up the nerve to start the conversation. He might never even bring it up! Why was Hide so worried about it?

A few hours passed, and then three of the Quinx returned. They were dead silent as they walked inside in the Chateaux. 

"Hey guys! Welcome home!" Hide greeted.

Urie had his head hung down, and Hide couldn't see his face. He just headed to his room in silence. Mutsuki looked depressed, and Saiko had her face hidden from view, as she clung to Mutsuki’s shirt as she walked.

"H-Hey, Hide..." Mutsuki was the only one to say anything back to him, but he sounded miserable.

Saiko pulled her head away from Mutsuki's shirt to look at him, and Hide's eyes widened when he saw her face. It was tear-stained, red, and puffy.

"P-Papan!" She whined out, a sob escaping her throat.

"What's wrong?" Hide asked, jumping to his feet to comfort them.

Saiko ran to Hide and hugged him. She clenched his shirt in her hands, and he could feel her shaking.

"You didn't hear?" Mutsuki asked. Now that he looked closer, Hide could see his face was red and tear-stained as well. His eyes were watering, and a few tears were leaking out. Mutsuki wiped them away, only for more tears to come. 

"Hear what?" Hide asked fearfully. "...Where's Shirazu?"

"He's dead!" Saiko cried out, continuing to sob.

Hide felt numb. Saiko's weight against him was the only thing keeping him in reality.

Mutsuki nodded sadly in confirmation, then closed the distance and hugged Hide as well.

It took a few minutes to take in the information, and then his parental instincts kicked in. Mutsuki and Saiko were here with him, but he still had to check on Urie.

"Mucchan, can you take Saiko-chan for a second?" Hide asked, gently pulling Saiko away from him.

Mutsuki nodded, taking Saiko by the hand and guiding her away from Hide to give him distance.

"P-Papan!" Saiko cried desperately.

"I'll be right back. I promise." Hide whispered. 

He waited until she nodded before he walked away.

"Urie-kun." Hide called out, knocking on the Quinx's door. He took a moment to think about what he wanted to say, and then he spoke. "We're all hurting. We all deal with this in different ways, and that's okay. I know that you're not all that close to any of us. And that's okay too, some people are like that. I just wanted to say, we're all here for you if you want. If you want, we can talk about anything. Any day, any time."

He waited for any sort of answer.

"I'm gonna go now. I'll... see you around."

\---

Hide, Mutsuki, and Saiko ended up piling on the couch. None of them spoke, they all just cried together and comforted each other.

"Does Haise know?" Hide asked, breaking the silence after a while.

He couldn't even imagine breaking the news to Haise. Maybe he could have someone else do it?

No, that was unfair. Both he and Haise thought of Shirazu as their son. Haise seemed to be closer to Shirazu than the other Quinx. Hide had to be the one to break the news to him.

"Yeah. He knows." Mutsuki answered.

That was all it took. Bitterness and anger settled in Hide’s chest.

Shirazu had died. One of the Quinx had  _died_ and Haise hadn't even told him.

Haise had smiled at him and walked away and hadn't been seen since.

Haise should be here with them. Mourning with them.

Hide let out an angry growl, and he stood up.

"Papan?"

"Hide-san?"

Hide didn't answer either of them. He walked over to Kaneki's door, and knocked loudly. "Kaneki!"

He waited, but Kaneki didn't open the door. He didn't say anything either.

"Kaneki, these kids need you!" Hide yelled. "Now more than ever!"

There was still no answer.

"Open this door and talk to me, damnit!" Hide screamed, pounding a fist against the door. He wished he had the strength of Kaneki and the Quinx. He wished he could break the door down. He wished he could at least make a dent in it.

He just needed to talk to Kaneki. He didn't even care that Kaneki would see him crying. He was hurting, and he was angry.

He heard footsteps as Kaneki approached and finally unlocked and opened his door.

"What do you want?" There was no emotion in Kaneki’s voice. It sounded so cold. 

"What do I _want?_ " Hide asked incredulously. He gave Kaneki a shove and came into his room, to make sure that Kaneki couldn't slam the door in his face and escape this confrontation. "What do you think I want? I want you to talk to me! Talk to  _us!_ "

"Hide, please leave my room." Kaneki said slowly. There was clear agitation in his voice.

Hide scoffed. "Leave? No, I'm not leaving! Why are you acting so weird?"

"It's none of your business." Kaneki snapped.

"Do you  _even care?_ "

"Of course I care!"

"Then why are you acting like this? Aren't you sad? Because it sure doesn’t look like it!"

Hide knew how Kaneki was. He was a private but very emotional person. He remembered exactly how Kaneki had acted when his mom died. He knew Kaneki was the type to mourn alone, but things were different now. These kids were both of their responsibility. Actually, they were only Kaneki's responsibility, but here Hide was caring for them alone!

"You don't know what you're talking about." Kaneki muttered. He ducked his head down, covering his eyes from view. He seemed to be shaking.

"Oh? I don't, do I?" Hide continued. "I can always tell when you're sad and crying, Kaneki, and that's not what this is. I don't... I don't  _know what_ this is!" 

“Leave me alone!!!” Kaneki screamed. He kicked his leg out, and Hide flinched as a chair went flying into the wall. Kaneki glared at him, looking absolutely furious. His kakugan was activated and blazing. 

Hide had never, never seen him like that. And honestly, he was terrified. He was terrified, and angry, and hurt.  

 _I’m loosing him._ Hide realized. He didn’t understand why, but he knew he was.

Hide didn’t say anything.

What else could he do? He didn’t want to chase Kaneki off, or make Kaneki hate him.

So he squeezed his eyes shut, kept his mouth closed, backed up, and left the room.

He flinched as Kaneki slammed and locked the door behind him.

Hide looked back up to see Mutsuki and Saiko staring at him. Hide silently walked over to them, plopped on the couch, and pulled them both into a hug.

 ---

The rest of the night, the three of them continued to just sit together in mostly silence.

Saiko was the first of them to cry herself to sleep, laying across both Hide and Mutsuki's laps.

"Do you want me to carry her to her room?" Mutsuki offered.

Hide shook his head. "No, it's okay. I think us being together is helping." He ran his hands through her hair.

"Do you mind if I...?" Mutsuki asked, gesturing with his head to Hide's shoulder.

Hide looked at him, understood what he was implied, and nodded.

Mutsuki rested his head against Hide's shoulder and shut his eyes. Hide rubbed his back.

"Thanks..." Mutsuki whispered.

"We'll get through this." Hide promised him.


	17. Black Reaper

\--The Next Day--

Hide sat alone in the living room. All the Quinx were locked up in their rooms, each dealing with their loss in their own ways. Hide was holding one of his manga series, but he couldn't focus enough to read it. The only reason he was sitting out here instead of laying miserably in bed was because he needed to be strong for the kids if they needed him.

He heard a click as a door unlocked. It was Kaneki's.

Hide ignored him as Kaneki walked out. Hide was still mad at him.

Kaneki walked past the couch and sat down at the kitchen counter.

Hide spared him a glance out of the corner of his eye. Kaneki’s hair was a little shorter now, and it was all black. He must have trimmed off the white tips.

Hide previously thought it would be nostalgic and nice once Haise’s hair grew back completely black, but now Kaneki seemed... different... from how he used to be.

Kaneki looked at him, and Hide quickly looked away. He was mad that he got caught staring at him.

Kaneki took a deep breath, and then finally spoke. "Hide. I'm quitting the Quinx."

"What?" Hide shot up out of his seat, his planned silent treatment completely forgotten. "Why?!"  _He's abandoning them?!_ "I thought you said they were like your kids! You seemed happy!"

"I want to try something different." Kaneki lied, touching his chin. 

"Kaneki, these kids need you." Hide said seriously. He was trying really hard not to start yelling again. He knew that would get him no where.

"No they don't." Kaneki replied, walking away, heading back to his room. "I'm already packed up. I've made up my mind."

Hide's stomach dropped.  _He's leaving._

"Where will you live?" Hide asked.  _Does he have a plan already?_

"I've already talked it over with the CCG. I'll be assigned to a new squad and I'll have my old apartment back."

"What about me?" Hide asked. The whole reason he lived at the Chateaux was because he wanted to be with Kaneki. He thought of the Quinx as his kids as much as Kaneki did. What was he supposed to do now?

"If you want, you can come with me. Arima-san likes you, I'm sure he'd be okay with it." Kaneki said. He went back into his room, this time not locking the door.

Hide just stood there, dumbfounded.

He had to make a decision.

It was either Kaneki or the Quinx...

\---

Hide felt horrible about it.

He had chosen Kaneki over the Quinx.

They had just lost their team member — their  _friend —_  and then their mentor — their  _parents —_ just cut them off.

Hide felt guilty about it, but Kaneki hadn't given him much of a choice. It was either stay at the Chateaux alone and care for those 3 mourning kids all by himself, or go with Kaneki.

It was incredibly selfish, but Hide chose Kaneki. And he had chosen quickly. It wasn't an easy decision, but it was a fast one none the less. Kaneki was being distant, and it terrified Hide that if he didn't choose him, he might loose him completely. But it still tore Hide up inside that he had abandoned those kids.

_What do they think of me? What are they doing now? Howare they doing?_

Kaneki was often busy, out on missions or meetings, and Hide found it really lonely to be left home alone. At the Chateaux, even if no one was there, Hide was at least able to look forward to them all coming home and chatting a little while before going their separate ways.

Hide didn’t realize it until now, but he had taken those days for granted…

The Chateaux was huge and always felt homely. But Kaneki’s old apartment that they lived together in now, well…

Kaneki hadn’t redecorated it since he moved back in. Hide took it upon himself to set some things up so that it felt more like their home, but it didn’t help too much.

Ever since the day Kaneki got his memories back, he had been very closed off. He always locked his bedroom door, and he became a lot quieter. And it wasn't just the happy-go-lucky Haise turning back into the introverted Kaneki. He didn't seem like the old Kaneki at all. 

Now that Hide knew Kaneki’s memories were back, Hide desperately wanted to talk to Kaneki about it. He had been waiting for this moment for the past 2 years!

If Kaneki knew about his past, how did he feel about working at the CCG? Hide hated it himself, knowing how many innocent ghouls it was harming and slaughtering. Surely Kaneki had to be more affected by it. He had many ghoul friends. Unlike Hide, he was out in the field killing them.

Yet Hide never started the conversation. His fear of saying the wrong thing held him back.

He wasn't sure how much Kaneki remembered, and he didn't want to bring up any bad memories. Bad memories that would be better off forgotten... 

He never had the time to bring it up, anyway.

They never had been very intimate boyfriends. They had never been too physically close years ago when he was Kaneki. And not when they were dating when he was Haise either; what with Hide being used to Kaneki's natural touch-averseness and introverted personality, and Hide's obvious want to keep his scars covered. But what little intimacy they had back then was now gone.

They were still dating — at least, Hide's pretty sure they still were — but Kaneki hadn't hugged or cuddled him in almost a week now. He was always either at work or locked away in his room. 

 _This isn’t how I thought sharing a home together with my boyfriend would be…_  

Hide often felt guilty about their relationship back then. He wasn't able to kiss Haise, and he wasn't even sure if he would be able to handle anything physically intimate beyond that. 

Yet Haise had never brought it up. Never asked what was under his scarf or why he wore it.

He dreaded the day  _that_  memory came back to Kaneki, if it hadn't already. Dreaded the day Kaneki would look at him with guilt and pity. Dreaded the day Kaneki would see firsthand the damage he unintentionally caused.

Their romantic relationship had only ever consisted of something like bookstore dates or movie dates. Nothing that would require either of them eating or drinking. Their intimacy consisted only of small touches and hugs and the occasional cuddle.

Hide often wondered if Haise ever wanted more out of their relationship.

Even something as simple as a chaste kiss…


	18. Furuta

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this one's so short. The next one will be the average size

Hide sat upright as soon as he heard the apartment door open.

“Welcome home, Kaneki! How was work?”

_Please talk to me._

Kaneki was silent as he closed the door behind him, and he took his time taking off his shoes, tie, and jacket. He left his glasses and one of his red gloves on.

“Well, now that I'm an Associate Special Class, I got assigned a partner.” Kaneki finally answered.

“Really? Who?”

“Nimura Furuta.”

"Oh. Furuta, huh?" Hide asked. He... didn't really have much positive to say to that.

"What?" Kaneki asked, shooting him a questioning look. 

“I just... don’t like him.” Hide said honestly, and he really couldn’t explain it beyond that.

Kaneki laughed. “Furuta’s not a good investigator, but he’s not that bad. It’s no reason to hate him. He’s better than people say he is, and he’s learning.”

Kaneki left and walked into his room, and Hide sighed in disappointment. He wished he could have had a longer and more positive conversation with Kaneki. Oh well, he was lucky he got this much communication out of him.

He had tried to sugarcoat it a little, but Hide really did hate Furuta. He couldn’t explain it, but something about the guy rubbed him the wrong way. It was almost like the feeling he got with Rize and Nishiki.

_He can’t be a ghoul. He wouldn’t be able to get into the CCG. Unless he’s a Washuu, but they don’t seem to be planning anything too terrible yet. Maybe I’ll ask Marude-san about him anyway..._

The next time he and Marude had a meeting, Hide asked him about it, and they both looked into finding out exactly who Nimura Furuta was. And they found that Furuta was indeed a part of the Washuu clan.

_That explains a lot, but it still doesn’t explain why he bothers me so much. I better keep an eye on him..._


	19. Visits

It had been a few months since the last time they talked, but finally Hide got the time to go see her again.

“Hi Yotsume!” Hide greeted as he entered the ghoul interrogation room. He was curious what her given name was, but he knew it would be insensitive to ask. If she ever wanted him to know and refer to her with her full name, then she would bring it up herself.

She gasped and perked up when she heard his voice. “Hide!”

Hide frowned as he walked over and sat down across from her. “Not that I’m not happy that you seem excited to see me, but...  _why_  exactly are you so happy to see me?”

She bit her lip and looked down. “Onii-chan hasn’t come to see me for a few months now.”

Hide slammed his hands against the counter. “What?!”

She flinched.

“S-sorry!” He apologized, and quickly tried to hide his anger and once again seem happy and upbeat. “I didn’t know that, I’m sorry. If I had known, I would have tried to come here more often. Um, I’m sure he’s just really busy.”

“Y-yeah...” She whispered, as if she had heard that excuse a million times.

“Hey.” He said softly. He gently rested his hand against the glass. “We’ll get you out of here. I promise.”

She looked him in the eye, and she looked so young and scared and helpless. She was really nice and sweet, and he knew what she and Kaneki must have meant to each other. 

He couldn’t wait until she could be free and he could meet her properly, with no CCG and no glass between them.

\---

“I hear you haven’t visited that ghoul Yotsume in a while.” Hide commented as Kaneki came out for a glass of water.

“I guess I haven’t.” Was all Kaneki said.

“How come?”

“Wouldn’t it be concerning if I did?” Kaneki asked, shooting him a look. “I’m a ghoul investigator, Hide.”

Hide scoffed. “She’s your friend, Kaneki! She calls you her Onii-chan! You can’t let her rot in there! At least visit her and talk to her!”

“She’s just a ghoul. She’ll just get killed in the end anyway.”

Kaneki went back into his room and locked the door behind him.

Hide just stood there frozen for a moment, staring at the closed door. 

\---

Hide promised himself he wouldn’t be like Kaneki. Or at least, not as bad as Kaneki.

The Quinx Squad got new recruits, and Hide managed to find the time to go and visit them. He begged Kaneki to come with him, and he kept asking Kaneki with tons of notice, but Kaneki always said he was busy.

So Hide went alone.

After knocking on the Chateaux door, a young woman answered the door.

“Hello?” She asked.

Hide suddenly felt incredibly awkward. This place still felt like home to him, but it no longer was, and it was now occupied by 3 new people that he had never met before. 

“Uh, hi. I’m Hideyoshi Nagachika and I, I’m here to visit Urie and Saiko and—” 

“Papan?!” 

He could hear the pitter-patter of bare feet, and then Saiko appeared at the woman’s side.

“Papan! It’s you!” Saiko grabbed his hand and pulled him inside. “Where’s Maman?”

“He, uh, was busy and couldn’t come. But he says hi and that he misses you.”

It was lies. Kaneki never mentioned Hide sending the Quinx a message for him, but Hide couldn’t tell Saiko nothing.

“I’m glad you came! It’s been a really long time!”

She hugged him and he hugged her back.

“Hsiao! This is my Papan! He used to live with us before you new guys!”

Hsiao giggled at Saiko’s nickname for him. “I’m Ching-Li Hsiao, nice to finally meet you. What rank are you, Nagachika-san? Are you a Quinx too?”

“Please, call me Hide, and no, I’m fully human. I don’t have a rank either, I'm just an assistant.”

“Oh.”

It was always funny to see the look of confusion on people's faces when they realized he was so low in the CCG yet knew so many secrets. And it just became even better when they realized he was trusted and worked personally for Marude and especially Arima.

“You gotta meet everyone!!! Stay here! I’ll get them!!!” Saiko ran off, and when she returned she was followed by Mutsuki and two other young men.

“Mucchan!” Hide smiled. He held open his arms and Mutsuki hugged him.

“I didn’t know you were coming! But it’s really nice to see you!” Mutsuki said.

“How are you doing?”

“I'm great! I’ve been continuing my training with Suzuya, and I’ve even been assigned with Hachikawa’s squad on a mission!”

“That’s great, but I hear he’s awful to work with.”

“I’m sure it won’t be that bad.”

 _Always the optimist._  Hide glanced at the group of Quinx, and realized there was someone missing. “Where’s Urie?”

“Out training.” Saiko rolled her eyes. “Where else?”

Hide brought his attention to the two young men, and introduced himself.

The one with pink hair bowed in greeting. “Touma Higemaru.”

“Shinsanpei Aura.” The other said, bowing as well.

“Aura? Would you happen to be related to Kiyoko Aura?” Hide asked.

He nodded, “I’m her nephew.”

“I always forget that working for the CCG runs in the family. Well, I’m sure you’ll be just as great an investigator as she is!”

Hide spent the rest of the day there at the Chateaux. He got along great with Hsiao and Higemaru. He tried to make conversation with Aura as well, since he knew and got along well with Kiyoko. Later on, Hide, Higemaru, and Saiko played video games together for a while.

Once Urie came back, Hide even got to talk to him for a little while. It was shocking, but he actually seemed interested in talking and catching up with Hide for once. It was kind of sad that it was now easier to talk to  _Urie_  than his own boyfriend.

“Oh, wow, it’s late!” Hsiao suddenly cried. “I should be in bed by now!”

“But its a special occasion!” Saiko begged.

“No, she’s right. It’s really late. I wasn’t expecting to stay this long. I'm sorry.” Hide said, standing up. He was probably distracting and inconveniencing them.

“Wait! Papan! We have an extra room, if you want to stay the night!” Saiko offered.

“Is it okay with everyone?” Hide asked, looking around.

This place still felt like his home, a lot more than even his current apartment with Kaneki did, but he knew it  _wasn’t_  his home anymore. And he didn’t want to make the new Quinx kids uncomfortable.

But they all said it was okay, so he agreed and Saiko eagerly lead him to their spare room.

Hide returned to his and Kaneki's apartment the next morning. He wanted and expected Kaneki to be worried or concerned about him. Maybe not quite enough to have called him last night, but enough to ask where he had been. But Kaneki never asked. Hide wondered if Kaneki even noticed that he was gone that night.


	20. Rue

Hide was dressed up in his C-ranked Scarecrow getup as he rowed his boat back to land. He had just finished a meeting with Eto on Rue Island. Marude was covering his few-day leave under the excuse that Hide was out on a short mission with him. 

As Hide rowed his boat, he caught sight of a battle back on the island.

_I guess I made it off there just in time._

Hide saw a green kagune, and he knew it had to be Mutsuki.

_That's right. Mutsuki-kun's with Hachikawa's squad on the Rue Island mission._

With a jump, Mutsuki appeared on the cliff and he turned and looked right in Hide's direction. Hide's heart began to pound. He feared Mutsuki might pursue and attack him. He was pretty sure he wasn't out of range of them yet. Being only human, Mutsuki could probably kill him easily. And Hide didn’t know what Mutsuki would do if he instead realized that it was Hide and not a ghoul at all, and that Hide was a traitor to the CCG. (And worse, a traitor with a connection to Aogiri.)

Thankfully for him, Hachikawa appeared at Mutsuki's side, and Mutsuki turned away and went on with whatever his mission was. Hide kept rowing.

_Good luck and stay safe, Mucchan._

\--A few days later--

Hide had the news on, but he wasn’t really paying it much attention. He had it on for background noise, and he was currently relaxing and reading a manga in the living room.

And then a familiar voice caught his attention, and he looked up at the TV.

“I am a ghoul.”

Hide dropped his book, and stared at the screen.

There on the news, was the leader of Aogiri — Eto Yoshimura, currently on the news under her pen-name Sen Takatsuki. And there was Kaneki, directly at her right side. He, too, looked shocked at her words.

_Kaneki? What is he doing there?!_

Ever since the Auction incident, Haise had began to withhold the specific details of his missions. And ever since he got his memories back, Kaneki would barely tell him anything. Hide knew that Kaneki's current investigation involved someone who was a suspected ghoul, but Hide didn’t know it was  _Eto_  of all people!

“I wrote the final work for the lonely comrades who thirst for blood and flesh and were born wrong with me.” Eto continued.

Hide focused his attention and worries from Kaneki back onto Eto. _What is she doing? Is she crazy?_ He was panicking now.  _What is she planning?_

He had just met up with her not too long ago on Rue Island, but she hadn’t warned him of this. Eto was willingly revealing herself as a ghoul to the public, so she obviously had some sort of plan in mind. Her plan was headed somewhere, but Hide was no longer involved in it. 

_I guess I just need to trust that she knows what she’s doing._

Hide watched closely the rest of her public interview and the following news coverage. He kept trying to put together the pieces and figure out what she was trying to do, along with any hints that she may have left for him.

Would she want him to do anything? Would she want him to contact her and help out? Or would she want him to stay out of it and let herself and Arima handle it by themselves?

He was absolutely lost, and he was getting more stressed by the minute.

Hide remembered back when he met up with her on Rue Island, she was being weird and mysterious. More so than usual. She recommended that he read her newest book, and he didn't quite understand. He had told her when they began working together that he didn't personally like her style of stories or writing. So if she knew he wouldn't like it, why did she bring it up? He had asked her why, but she never answered him.

He understood why now.

He did end up buying her book and he did read it, and he understood the connection of her book's story to what was likely the everyday life and struggles of ghouls. Although, he still found her writing difficult to read, and just as difficult for him to get interested in.

And he was still just as lost of what to do to help her.

\---

Hide didn’t even end up getting much time to panic over Eto and whatever her inevitable plans for Kaneki were.

He got the news from the CCG: Hachikawa’s squad was killed, Ayumu Hogi was the only survivor, and Mutsuki was missing in action.

_He’s pretty much a half-ghoul. I doubt Aogiri would simply kill him off like they would a human investigator._

He was worried sick about Mutsuki. He knew what horrible things Aogiri did to Amon and Takizawa.

The CCG was planning a rescue mission, but it was progressing slowly. Hide spent all his free time with the Q’s, and helped them anyway he could in planning to rescue Mutsuki.

His concern for Mutsuki hurt so much. Not only because he thought of the boy like his son, but also because of the situation.

_This is just like Aogiri all over again._

It was just like back when Kaneki was kidnapped by Aogiri. Heck, it was even around the same time of year! Hide remembered how changed Kaneki was by whatever Aogiri did to him. Whatever happened caused his hair to turn white, and it must have been the final thing to push Kaneki to run away and become a missing person.

Maybe if Eto was still in charge of Aogiri, Hide could work something out with her and get Mutsuki free. But with Eto being held by the CCG, Hide was powerless. He wasn't allies with any of the other ghouls in Aogiri.

_Please let Mutsuki be okay._


	21. The One Eyed King

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning for mentions of suicide/suicidal thoughts

Hide's phone began to ring. He knew from the special ringtone that it was Kaneki calling him, who was currently still working at the CCG. Hide stopped what he was doing and picked up the phone. He was incredibly happy that Kaneki was reaching out to contact him.

"Hey, babe!"

"H-Hide!" Kaneki gasped from the other line. He sounded panicked.

"Kaneki? What's wrong?" Hide asked.

Kaneki answered nervously, his words coming out quickly. "It's a long story. I'm leaving the CCG. I can't go back. I'm... I'm sure you'll hear about it soon enough. I... I've done something... terrible, Hide. I-I don't know if you can forgive me, and I understand if you don't."

"Kaneki, I don't care." Hide spoke slowly and firmly to make sure he got his point across. "I only ever joined the CCG to be with you. Wherever you go, whatever you do, take me with you."

"..." There was silence. Hide could hear other people talking in the background, but couldn't make out who they were or what they were saying.

"A-alright. Meet me at :re." Kaneki finally said.

"Huh? But, uh..."

Was that the best idea? He didn't know what Touka's thoughts on him were. What if he got there before Kaneki did? What was he supposed to say to her? When was the last time Kaneki had seen her? What even was Kaneki's situation right now?

"Oh, right." Kaneki said. "Then, wait next door to :re. I'll come get you."

\---

Hide had been waiting in a small shop that was located beside :re. He was sitting in a rocking chair that was for sale, and hoping that he wouldn't be kicked out of the store for not buying anything. It was near the entrance of the shop, and each time Hide heard the jingle of the bell on the door, he had looked up each time hoping it would be Kaneki. He didn't know much about the situation, but he feared Kaneki getting hurt or even killed while on his way over here. He would feel a lot better once he saw Kaneki in person.

He gripped his phone tightly in his hand. He hated feeling powerless.

Just as Kaneki had promised, he finally arrived. He stepped inside the shop, and he and Hide made eye contact immediately.

Hide saw that Kaneki's hair was white again. All pure white, no black roots anywhere to be seen. He still had his red gloves on, and he wore a dark robe around him.

Kaneki gestured with his head to follow him. Kaneki lead him out of the store and into :re without a word. At the counter, Hide saw Touka, Nishiki, and a few other people who were most likely ghouls. Hide expected Touka to be distrusting of him, but she just smiled at him when they made eye contact.

Kaneki didn't stop and still didn't say anything. Hide followed after him, glancing around and looking out for any hint of what was going on. Kaneki lead him upstairs to the apartment above :re, and closed the door behind them. Kaneki took his black robe off, and then collapsed on the couch with an exhausted sigh. Hide slowly sat down beside him. He noted that Kaneki kept both of his gloves on.

"Is your other arm red now too?" Hide guessed, gesturing to Kaneki's gloves.

Kaneki hummed in confirmation.

"What happened?" Hide breathed.

_Wasn't it just supposed to be a normal work day?_

"Did the CCG tell you yet?" Kaneki asked. He didn't take his head off the back cushion to look at Hide, or even open his eyes.

"They sent out a message to all investigators on my way over here. They said you... killed Arima."

_That can't be true, right? They’re practically father and son!_

Kaneki braced his hands on the couch to steady himself as he shifted and sat upright. He stared at the coffee table. "I... I did."

Hide just stared at him. Even as his time being an SS-rate ghoul, dubbed Eyepatch and Centipede, he had never killed a human. Ghouls, sure. Brutally and horribly and Hide really tried not to think about it, but only ever ghouls and never a human.

Kaneki timidly hung his head in shame, and he pulled his legs up to his chest and wrapped his arms around them. He hugged them and rested his chin on his knees, making himself as small as possible. 

_Man, I haven't seen him act like this in 3 years. Kaneki really is back now._

"O-okay," Hide said, trying to both make sense of this as well as comfort Kaneki, "but it's not like it wasn't unprovoked, right?"

After all, Arima had been the one to nearly kill Kaneki all those years ago.

 _Because you made a deal with him. You dealt Kaneki's life away without his consent. Without him ever knowing._ Hide’s mind reminded him.

"I can't talk about what happened..." Kaneki whispered.

"Okay, fair enough."

"And Eto was there too. She was... the One Eyed King. She passed it onto me before she died."

Hide blinked. "You're the One Eyed King now?"

_What does all this mean for you?_

"You don't need to stay with me. Everyone knows what happened to Arima-san. I'm a traitor. They'll probably hunt me down and anyone allied with me." Kaneki said, looking down and picking at the loose strings of the couch with his fingers.

"It's just a lot to take in. You were an investigator last I heard not even an hour ago..." Hide sighed and rubbed his temple. "Well, first things first. I'm not leaving you."

"Huh? But, I'm probably going to be living in hiding! A-and the only other humans here are going to be the Zero Squad! I'm the Ghoul King now and I'm going to be joining up with a lot of ghouls!"

"So what? Human, ghoul, doesn't matter to me. As long as, y'know, they don't try to eat me. Besides, I'm your boyfriend. Known you since, like, forever. Y'really think the CCG would let me off the hook?"

Kaneki sighed. "Well, no, but... You could walk away from all this and move on and have a normal life."

"Ka-ne-ki~," Hide drawled, rolling his eyes. "I don't want a normal life. I want to be with  _you_." Hide grabbed Kaneki's hand, and then began to pull off his glove.

"Hide—" Kaneki tensed, placing his other hand on top of Hide's, to stop him from removing his glove.

"Please..." Hide whispered. He moved his hand out from under Kaneki's, and began again to remove his glove. He moved slowly to allow Kaneki time to stop him, if he was really against it. Kaneki didn't stop him this time, so Hide continued to slip the first glove off and then the second. Just as he assumed, now both of Kaneki's hands and arms were covered in red kagune scales.

Hide gently trailed his fingers along Kaneki's scaled fingers and wrist, but he didn't go under Kaneki's sleeves. He knew Kaneki was pretty self-conscious about his scaled arms, but Hide thought it looked pretty cool. Then Hide leaned forward to rest his forehead against Kaneki's. He really wanted to be able to kiss him, but... that wasn't possible anymore.

Kaneki scooted a little closer to him, entwining their fingers together as he leaned his body against Hide and rested his head on Hide's shoulder.

They sat there in silence for a while. Hide continued to gently rub Kaneki's scaled fingers and the back of his palm. He carefully tapped the tips of Kaneki's fingers, where they formed a claw. They were sharp, although not enough to be easily hurt by them.

"What were you doing in Cochlea anyway?" Hide asked, deciding that it had been enough time and that he should try to get some answers out of Kaneki.

Kaneki took his head off his shoulder and turned away from him.

“…Kaneki.” Hide coaxed.

“You don’t want to know…”

_That bad, huh?_

“You saying that makes me want to know even more. Come on.” Hide coaxed again, playfully knocking their shoulders together.  _We need to start talking about some of this stuff._

“I…” Kaneki slowly looked up and locked eyes with him. “I was going to kill myself.”

Hide gasped, and grabbed Kaneki in a hug.

_I almost lost him. I almost lost him and I didn’t even know it._

He could feel his eyes burning from tears welling inside them.

“I almost gave up, too.” Kaneki continued in a whisper. “But then I thought of—”

Kaneki turned his head away again.

Hide wiped his eyes and pulled out of the hug to look at him. Kaneki had his eyes squeezed shut. He looked ashamed…

“Thought of what?”

Kaneki opened his eyes and stared at him with sad eyes. Or rather, stared at his scarf. 

“You remember, don’t you?” Hide asked, voice low.

“I don’t know…” Kaneki whispered. His voice cracked, and tears welled up in his eyes. “I don’t remember much of it, and I don’t know if that’s a good thing or not.”

Hide went to hug him again, but Kaneki pulled away.

"Don't."

“Kaneki…” Hide sighed.

_This is what I was afraid of. This is what I was dreading._

"Please, don't." Kaneki said. He stood up and took a few steps back. "Stay away from me."

"Babe, we've been together for 2 years now." Hide said gently, reaching out to grab his hand.

Kaneki again pulled away. "Th-that's the p-problem!"

"What is?"

Kaneki wiped at his eyes. "You've been with me all this time."

Then he said something shocking. Hide would never have expected Kaneki to ask this so quickly.

“Can I see?”

“Kaneki, no.” Hide said, a light scoff escaping from his mouth.

_It’s too soon, Kaneki. Give yourself some time. Both of us time to come to terms with this._

“All this time I’ve wondered. As Haise I just assumed you were another wounded investigator. I always wondered what was so different about _me_. Why you fell in love with a ghoul after being wounded by one. But I was so happy you felt the same, so I never pried. You were private about it, so I never asked and I never looked into your records myself or asked anyone any questions.”

_I always wondered what exactly you thought of it._

“And when I got my memories back... It wasn’t all at once. It was a little at a time. I didn’t remember the sewers, but I knew that you weren't covering up some old wound. I knew you didn't used to have it. I knew it had to have happened sometime between when I fought Arima during the Anteiku Raid and when we met once I was Haise. I hoped it wasn’t, but I knew that it could have only been from me.”

_Then when did you…?_

“I only remembered hours ago.” Kaneki squeezed his eyes shut. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry I put you in that position. I’m sorry I wasn’t strong enough to hold back.”

“Kaneki, this was my choice and my fault. Not yours.”

Kaneki shook his head. “No it’s not. It’s my fault for thinking I could get stronger and control it. I always knew I shouldn’t have used a power I couldn’t control…” He took a heavy breath. “Please, Hide. I need… I want to see what I did to you...”

“What do you remember about it?” Hide asked.  _I need to know this first..._

Kaneki took another deep breath as he reflected on it. “I had just fought Amon-san. I… I may have been dying, I’m not sure. I escaped into the sewers. My kakuja state was making me lose my mind. I saw Yamori and Rize-san and then… you. And you said that you knew, and I realized you weren't a hallucination and I wasn’t sure how to react. And then there was pain, and voices, and I knew that you had to leave before I did something. But you just… ignored me and came closer to me. And then… and then… You told me to eat you and I don’t remember anything after that…”

“I kissed you.” Hide blurted out.

“What…?” Kaneki whispered.

“You were dying, and I had to save you, and I knew there was only one way to do that. But you were stubborn and you wouldn’t do it yourself. Like I said, Kaneki, this is my fault. At the very least, where it ended up being…”

“What did I…?”

Hide sighed, and reached up.  _I hope I don’t regret this._

Slowly he unraveled his scarf and took it off. He didn’t say anything. He just let Kaneki take in the damage he caused.

“I’m sorry…” Kaneki whispered. More tears welled in his eyes and began to fall down his cheeks. “I’m so sorry.”

Hide couldn’t handle seeing Kaneki look that hurt. He moved to slip his scarf back on and cover his scars again, but Kaneki reached out to stop him.

“Don’t. Please don’t. You don’t need to hide anymore, Hide.”

“But I’m…” 

_Ugly. Hideous._

Kaneki shook his head. He wiped his tears and managed a small smile. “Thank you for showing me. And thank you for saving my life. You still look beautiful, Hide.”

Hide’s eyes burned, and he could feel tears start to run down his face. He tilted his head down. He hated to be seen crying.

He heard rustling fabric, and glanced up to see what was going on. Kaneki was pulling his own shirt off.

 _Ah._ Hide realized. _I let him see mine, so he's letting me see his scars too._

With Kaneki's shirt off, Hide could see his whole upper body. He could see his full arms, how the kagune scales went only up to his elbow where it suddenly stopped and was met with normal skin. Technically those were scars, because its how his skin grew back after regenerating his lost limbs. Hide could also see Kaneki's muscles, his abs and and pecs and biceps. He could see the many scars that littered his stomach. Lots of small ones, and one that was a large curved line. Hide knew that one had to be from his surgery all those years ago. There was also another large scar that was made up of kagune, matching his arms. That one had to be fairly recent.

Kaneki let his kakugan and kagune activate too. His iris brightened to red as his white sclera was overtaken by black. The veins around his left eye turned bright red and bulged slightly. Four tentacles wormed their way out from his back. They settled behind him and curled up.

“Neither of us need to hide from each other anymore, okay?” Kaneki said softly.

He gestured to Hide with his head, and Hide understood. He took a breath before taking off his coat and shirt, allowing Kaneki to see the rest of the scars that covered parts of his chest and shoulder. He was in-shape, but he didn't have anywhere near as much muscle as Kaneki did.

They just sat there on the couch, shirtless and facing each other in silence. They took in each other as they were, scars and all.


	22. Explanations

Touka offered Hide and Kaneki, as well as the Zero Squad, to stay at :re with her and Yomo. The only problem was, the apartment had 3 rooms, so they would need to work out who would be sharing with who.

Yomo gave up his room, and said he would be okay with sleeping on the couch. Hide and Kaneki agreed to share a room together, and the Zero Squad said they could all take the other room. That left Touka to keep her own room, but she ended up convincing Yomo to share with her. She wouldn't accept him sleeping on the couch. 

It was rather late in the day now, and all of them were worn out from their battles at Cochlea earlier. They all went their own ways to quickly set up their rooms and take the rest of the day to relax and recover.

As they got their room together, Kaneki caught Hide up to speed. He explained that the Zero Squad was allied with him, and that he had met up with Touka as well as all of his old ghoul friends when they went to break Yotsume out of Cochlea. His ghoul friends were currently helping any ghouls that didn't have anywhere else to go, whether they were escapees from Cochlea or were a part of Aogiri. They told Kaneki to stay at :re and rest and get his strength back before he went to work being the new King of all Tokyo ghouls. 

“How many ghouls follow you?” Hide asked. It was still surreal to think that Kaneki was a king.

Kaneki shrugged. “Honestly, I don’t know. All I did was leave Cochlea and come here. But I can’t imagine too many ghouls would suddenly follow a nobody like me.”

After they set up their room a little, they both decided to relax.

Kaneki and Hide each laid on either side of their shared bed. Kaneki had his glasses on and was reading one of the books from Touka's shop. Hide was playing a handheld video game. He was replaying an easy level, and was mostly just lost in his thoughts. His thoughts wandered and jumped around, from tiny insignificant things to important things. 

“What do you think happened with Mutsuki?” Hide asked, pausing his game. It had bothered him all day. He wanted to know if the CCG had succeeded in rescuing him. Now that he and Kaneki were traitors, there was no way for either of them to find out what happened.

“Before he left, I told Urie-kun to rescue him. I’m sure he did his best.” Kaneki replied.

“I hope his best was good enough.” Hide muttered.

Kaneki put his book down and looked Hide in the eyes. “Mutsuki-kun’s tougher than you know. He survived the Auction alone, and also when Urie-kun took him on a detour. I think he’d be able to hold on long enough for help to come.”

That made Hide feel a little better. He went back to playing his game, trying to calm his worries.

“Hide.”

“Hm?”

“I want us to be honest with each other from now on. No more secrets. No more lies.” 

Hide paused his game, set it down, and continued to listen.

Kaneki continued. “There’s still so many gaps in my memory and things I’ve been wondering. And I’m sure you’re curious about things from when I left the 20th Ward or even about after I got my memories back.” 

“I am.” Hide said. “And that sounds good. We... really have kept a lot from each other.”

Kaneki took a deep breath. “So. Who goes first?”

"Um, I have some questions, if you don't mind me going first."

Kaneki nodded his permission for Hide to begin. Hide decided to start with the lightest of the questions he had.

“Why didn’t you ever talk to me once you got your memories back? Weren't you wondering things back then?”

“I was scared...” Kaneki admitted. “I thought that once I remembered my past, everything would make sense. But instead I just got more questions. My life had been consistent as Haise and everyone seemed happy and I... didn’t want to ruin that.”

“Honestly, I hated it.” Hide said. “I was trying so hard to be happy for you, but it was sickening to constantly be around people who talked so positively about slaughtering ghouls.”

Hide moved on to his next question, "Why were you acting like that, back after Shirazu died?"

Kaneki looked away in shame. Hide looked down too. He wasn't proud of how he acted either.

"I was sad about it." Kaneki explained slowly. "But it was different. I was sad, but I also couldn't feel anything. So much happened during that mission, and everything changed after that. I didn't know how to handle any of it, and I guess I just... shut down. I felt so many things, so many emotions, but I couldn't cry. And maybe because of the fact that I couldn't cry, they all just stayed inside me."

"I'm... sorry for yelling at you back then. I know people deal with loss in all kinds of ways, and it wasn't fair for me to say that you were doing it wrong."

"You're forgiven. And I'm sorry for not being able to explain what I was feeling or what was going on. I didn't mean for it to come across like I didn't care."

“Did you... ever hurt a ghoul that you knew? When you were an investigator?” Hide asked next.

“Tsukiyama...” Kaneki whispered. 

“You’re friends with the Tsukiyama heir???” Hide interupted. “Since when?”

Kaneki continued, “I fought him and beat him during the Lunar Eclipse, and I... sort of killed one of his family members.”

Hide grimaced. “O-oh...”

“I don’t really want to face him... I don’t know what he’ll do, or what he’ll think of me...”

Hide put his comforting hand on Kaneki’s leg. He wanted to say something to comfort Kaneki further, but what could he say to that?! Hide felt bad for making the subject so dark.

“Can I ask you some questions now?” Kaneki asked.

“Sure.” Hide said. 

Kaneki took a few moments to decide his first question.

“How did you know?”

“Know what?” Hide asked. Kaneki would need to be a lot more specific.

Kaneki rephrased it, “When did you know I was a ghoul?” 

“Oh.”

“Back in the— er, when you saved me, you said you already knew. So... when did you first find out?”

“Do you remember when Nishio-senpai invited us to his apartment? When I wanted that CD for Kamii's festival club or something? Well, I was just pretending to be unconscious back then. I was actually awake through the whole thing.”

“That’s when you found out?!” Kaneki whispered. He grimaced as he realized what that and the sewers had in common. “Neither of those interactions with me were good.”

“Plenty of others were good.” Hide said, trying to comfort him. He didn’t want Kaneki to focus on the negatives. He wanted Kaneki to focus on what mattered to Hide. The fact that Kaneki cared. Cared enough to save him. Cared enough to fight for him. 

“So what do you think of being here with Nishio-senpai? Does it make you uncomfortable?”

“It is a little weird.” Hide admitted. “But you two seem like friends, and it’s been a while since that happened, and he seems nice in his own way.”

“Will you ever tell him that you know what really happened?”

“I don’t know.” Hide answered honestly. “Maybe someday I will. Or maybe I’ll just let it go forgotten.”

“Well, I want you to know, that he has changed a lot since then.” Kaneki said slowly. “But I wouldn’t blame you if you still don’t want to be around him.”

"Thanks. So, what do you want to know next?"

“When did you join the CCG? And why did you?”

“I wasn’t doing it to hurt you.” Hide quickly said. “I just wanted to use their resources. I joined after you left the 20th Ward. I wanted to find you but I knew I couldn’t do it alone.”

“I would have come back.” Kaneki whispered. “...Eventually.”

“Would you have?” Hide gave him a look, asking him to be honest.

“...” Kaneki hesitated. “Maybe. I don’t know. I was so lost back then. I wanted answers and to find out who I should have and how to live as a ghoul, but I don’t know if I ever really figured it out...”

“Do you know now?”

Kaneki shook his head. “No.” He took Hide’s hand and squeezed. “But this time I have you, and Touka-chan, and everyone else. And this time I’m going to stick together with all of you. I'm not going to leave any of you, and I'm not going to let anything happen to any of you either.”

Hide nodded and squeezed Kaneki's hand back in agreement. “We can figure out who we are and who we want to be.” 

“One thing still doesn’t add up, though.” Kaneki said. “Why did the CCG take me in after the raid? And how did you get involved with that?”

Hide looked away in shame. “I don’t know how much you know, but... Arima was working with Eto. It’s kind of complicated, and its honestly a miracle I even found out about Eto in the first place, but anyway, I made a deal with them. I’m sorry. I was so desperate back then. I had to find you but I wasn't making much progress and the CCG was getting way too close to figuring everything out about both of us. I didn’t know exactly what Eto had in mind but I knew it had to be bad and yet I still did it.” He was rambling and he was so nervous of what Kaneki would think of him.

“Hide. Hide, it’s okay.” Kaneki said. “I’m not mad.”

“You should be.” Hide sighed. “It’s because of me that you almost died in a fight from Arima! Twice, actually! And my fault that you lost your memory and, God, you were in such bad shape when you were in Cochlea’s custody and—”

“Hide.” Kaneki interrupted, pulling him into a hug. “I’m not upset. It’s okay. We’re both okay now, and we’re together. Thank you for saving my life, and thank you for still being alive.”

Hide was silent as he enjoyed Kaneki’s warmth and the comfort of being in his arms. His breakdowns were rare, but he knew he could count on Kaneki to calm him down, just as he would do for Kaneki.


	23. Introductions

Hide had spent all those years fearing and dreading the inevitable day Kaneki saw the scars he caused. And now that the day had passed, it felt like a huge weight was lifted off his chest. Kaneki took it better than Hide thought he would have, and even better, they were still dating.

Hide woke up once the sun shined in his face. He heard Kaneki groan beside him as he rolled over. The sunlight obviously had woken him up too, and he wanted to sleep more.

As much as Hide would love to also stay in bed and fall back asleep, the sunlight had woken him up. He kicked the sheets off himself and climbed out of the bed. Kaneki blindly reached out to grab Hide's part of the sheets and blanket and wrap himself up with them.

Hide wasn’t yet comfortable enough to always show his bare, scarred face to Kaneki when they were alone, but he  _had_  switched out his scarf for a facial mask last night. This way, a little bit more of his scars were exposed than usual, but the majority were still covered up.

“So what’s your plan for today, your majesty?” Hide asked as he picked out clothes for himself and started to get dressed. 

“Right now?” Kaneki asked, voice muffed by his pillow.  “To get more sleep.”

As Hide finished putting his clothes on, he thought of something.

“Hey, Kaneki...”

“No, you don’t need to call me any kingly titles.” Kaneki replied in a deadpan voice. If his eyes were open, Hide was sure he would have rolled his eyes.

“That’s not what I was going to ask.” Hide said, chuckling slightly. He  _was_  going to joke around about that, but he was planning to give it a few hours until Kaneki would be more awake and more amused by it. “I was gonna ask if its okay if I headed downstairs.”

Kaneki opened his eyes and slowly sat up to face him. “Oh. Um, are you comfortable with it? Do you want me to come with you?”

“No, if you’re tired you can go back to sleep. I think I’ll be fine. I guess it depends on who’s down there...”

“Right now its just friends of mine and Touka-chan. They won’t hurt you. And I talked with Touka-chan yesterday and explained everything, so you can trust her.”

Hide nodded in understanding. “And what about food? ...For me, I mean. I’m pretty recognizable around town.”

“I am too...” Kaneki realized, and he bit his lip. “I’m sure someone would be willing to go out and grab you something. Just make sure to be really specific on what you want, cuz, you know, ghouls. You can ask Touka-chan if you want, or if you want me to ask instead you can wait, or if you want I can go ask right now—”

“No! Sleep!” Hide held his hands up before Kaneki could get out of bed. “I’ll be fine, and I can ask her myself.” He walked toward the door and was about to head to the bathroom in the hallway.

“Hide.”

“Hm?” Hide turned around.

“Don’t push yourself to do anything you don’t need to. Don’t feel bad if you ever feel uncomfortable. Please tell me.”

“I will.” Hide promised, and for once he meant it. “Thank you.”

“They’re nice people. I’m sure you’ll like them.”

“I’m sure I will too.” Hide said. He had wanted to meet Kaneki's ghoul friends for years. “Now, go back to sleep.”

\---

Once he was ready for the day, Hide headed down the stairs. He heard people talking and followed the sound until he was in the main shop of :re.

There was a group of people at the counter. Most of them Hide recognized. Touka. Yotsume. Nishiki. Touka's grey-haired co-worker.

Then there was the people Hide didn't recognize. A guy who looked almost exactly like Touka and had to be related to her, who was giving him a bit of a dirty look. A purple haired guy wearing a fancy suit, looking very out of place compared to the rest of them. And finally, a tall and very muscular guy with a beard shaped into a cross.

They all turned and stared at him once they saw him enter, their conversations stopping. Hide normally was great at talking to people, but he suddenly felt very small under their stares.

Touka opened her mouth, about to break the awkwardness and likely greet Hide good morning, but someone beat her to it.

“Good morning, Hide!” Yotsume said.

Everyone at the counter gave her a questioning look, likely asking how they knew each other.

She giggled awkwardly at the sudden attention. “He visited me in Cochlea and promised me that he and Onii-chan would break me out.”

Touka's relative looked at Hide, now with a softened expression. “That true?”

“Yeah.” Hide said, as he dared to close the distance between him and the ghoul group. Touka patted the empty seat between her and Yotsume. Hide took it and sat down.

“Thank you.” Touka said. “For helping Hinami-chan.”

“Hinami-chan?” Hide asked. He looked back at Yotsume. “Is that your name?”

She nodded. “Hinami Fueguchi.”

“Nice to properly meet you, Hinami-chan.”

Touka went on to introduce the others. “And this is Renji Yomo, my brother Ayato, you already know Nishiki, Shuu Tsukiyama, and Kazuichi Banjou. And everyone, this is Hideyoshi Nagachika.”

“Call me Hide.” Hide said to them all, and then he looked at Touka. “Can I talk to you for a second?”

Touka tensed, and Hide felt a twinge of guilt for making her worry. Before he could add on, she nodded and stood and lead him into the shop's backroom for privacy.

“What’s up?” She asked, but her voice sounded a little nervous.

“I just wanted to ask... what should I do about getting food for myself? The CCG will be out searching for me too.”

“Oh right.” She hummed as she considered it. “I do have a bit of human food here, but I don’t know what you want or how much you can make with it. And you’d need to cook it yourself, unless you don't mind it tasting awful. But you’re welcome to look around and help yourself to any of it. Um... Did you ask Kaneki for ideas?”

“He said someone could go out and buy some food for me?” Hide said, but it came out like a question. He really hated how he was going to be a burden on them. He’d need to figure out a way to be useful, or at least make up for it later.

“Oh. Yeah, that’d work. When do you want to eat?”

“Um, now? If that’s okay?” Hide asked, awkwardly but politely. His stomach growled.

Touka chuckled. “Yeah, that’s fine. I can send someone to go out now. What do you want?” She grabbed a pen and notebook from the counter, and looked at Hide expectantly.

He told her what he wanted, and she asked him a question or two to make sure whoever she sent would get the food right, and then she headed back out to the shop. Feeling awkward, Hide waited in the backroom until he heard someone leave out the front door, and then he walked back out. He noticed the grey-haired man was missing, and Touka was walking Hinami, Tsukiyama, and Ayato out of her shop. Nishiki was still at the counter, sipping his coffee.

Touka gave Hinami a hug. "Be safe."

"Don't worry, she gets along well with all of them." Her brother told her.

After a moment, Touka broke off the hug, and then addressed the trio, "We'll be over there later."

Then the three of them left, and Touka walked back over to Hide and Nishiki.

"Is Kaneki still asleep?" Touka asked.

"Yeah, he wanted to sleep in." Hide answered.

"He better not sleep all day." Nishiki muttered.

"We'll wake him up if he sleeps in too late." Touka said.

Hide sat with Touka and Nishiki as they began to start a new conversation. They seemed a lot more civil with each other than he had last seen 2 years ago. Touka offered to make him a coffee, but Hide politely declined. Hide jumped in and joined their conversation, and soon they were all catching up and talking like old friends.

After a little while, Yomo returned with food for him. Hide excused himself, and Touka led him to a secluded and private spot for him to eat alone. Once he was done, he returned and once again chatted with the three of them. Although Yomo didn't have much to add to the conversation, and seemed to just enjoy their company.


	24. Goat

Touka looked up at the clock on the wall. "It's getting late. We should wake up Kaneki."

"We can do it!" One the Zero Squad kids cried out. It was Hairu's younger brother, Shio Ihei.

While Hide and Touka had been sitting and chatting at the counter all morning, two of the Zero Squad kids sat in the corner of the shop once they woke up. Yusa and Take were upstairs, and Nishiki and Yomo were... somewhere. Shio and Rikai had been talking quietly, so Hide and Touka had forgotten they were there.  

"Oh. Um, thanks." Touka said as she sat back down.

The two kids ran excitedly up the stairs.

Touka and Hide continued talking, until the floor and lights above them began to shake.

"Those kids better not break anything..." Touka muttered.

The chattering of the two kids echoed through the bedroom hall and down the stairs, although it was difficult to make out what they were saying.

After a few moments, the Zero Squad, this time all 4 of them, made their way down the stairs. Shio and Rikai were pushing and hurrying a very groggy-looking Kaneki, while talking about what to have for breakfast amongst the rest of the Zero Squad.  

"He's not a morning person, is he?" Touka asked, smirking as she watched Kaneki trudge down the stairs and into the main room of the shop. It was almost like he was sleep-walking.

"No he is not." Hide confirmed with a chuckle.

Once the Zero Squad got Kaneki all the way down the stairs, they split up and followed Hirako outside. Kaneki noticed Hide and Touka sitting at the counter, and he walked over to them.

"Want some coffee?" Touka asked, not even waiting for an answer as she headed to the coffee pot to make him some.

It took a while for Kaneki to register the question. "Hm? Oh, yeah, thanks, Touka-chan." He took a seat beside Hide and yawned.

"Sleep well?" Hide asked. He leaned forward on the counter and rested his head on his hand.

"Yeah. I wish I could just stay in bed all day..."

Once the coffee was done, Touka set a cup in front of Kaneki. Kaneki took a sip and Touka sat down beside him, on the opposite side that Hide was.

Touka gave Kaneki an update, "All the ghouls from Cochlea and Aogiri have grouped together at Tsukiyama's place, so he wants you to head over there. That is, if you're serious about this One Eyed King thing."

Kaneki finished his sip, but continued to hold his hands around the warm cup. He answered softly, "Yeah. I am."

"Alright then." Touka said. There was no hint of emotion or opinion in her voice.

"So when are we going to head out?" Hide asked.

"Is 10 minutes enough time for you?" Touka asked Kaneki.

Kaneki nodded. Since this was his first morning at :re, he didn't have much to do to get ready.

Touka took her apron off and hung it up on the wall. “We'll leave in 10 minutes, then. I'm gonna finish getting ready. Call out for me if you need anything.”

She headed to leave, but she stopped at Kaneki's side. “I went to pick one up like you asked. It's cheap, but it should still work.” She put something into his hand and then headed upstairs.

Hide watched as Kaneki's hands went up to his face. He was putting an eyepatch on. 

“Why are you wearing that?” Hide asked. “I thought you said you didn’t need it?”

“N-no, I still do.” Kaneki corrected, voice stammering.

“Then why didn’t you need it when you were at the CCG?” Hide asked. He was confused.

“Um...”

“Is your eye red right now?” Hide guessed.

“No, it’s not.”

“Then why are you wearing it?”

Kaneki sighed at the barrage of questions. “Um. Do you know what makes a kakugan activate?”

“Uh, I forgot.” Hide admitted. Years ago he looked up ghoul facts, trying to get his hands on any information he could after Kaneki disappeared. But that was a while ago, and he had long since forgotten the specific details. “All I know is that it activates with your kagune.”

“Yeah, that’s true, but that’s not the only way. So, uh, I can also activate it at will. And, uh, it also can turn against my will when...” Kaneki hesitated, “...I get hungry.”

“Okay. I still don’t see what the problem is. Why do you need to wear it?”

Kaneki made a pained expression, like he really didn’t want to have to explain it. “At the CCG, they gave me... food... Enough for me to be sustained and not hungry and in control of myself.”

“Alright...” Hide was following along, but he still didn’t understand the problem.

“But now, I’m on my own. :re will help me get food, along with food for the other ghouls too, but its not a guarantee that we will get food or when we will get food.”

“Oh.” Hide said, catching on.

“So if I’m not going to be eating regularly, then my eye might be on and off.” Kaneki finished.

“Why don’t other ghouls cover up their eyes then?” Hide asked.

“I usually can’t tell when my kakugan is active or not. Other ghouls have had more practice with it, as well as controlling it in the first place. It’s just a lot more comforting for me to cover it so I know I won’t slip up.”

“Okay, I understand. Thanks for explaining.”

\---

Once they all were ready, Touka led them outside. There, Nishiki was waiting, as well as two ghouls that Hide hadn't met yet. Actually, that wasn't completely true. They looked familiar, and Hide was pretty sure they must have been the other workers from Anteiku.

After a bit of catching up, the two new ghouls (Koma and Irimi, he overheard) said they were going to cover :re for Touka. And then the rest of them and the Zero Squad headed off to Tsukiyama's place.

Once at their destination, Tsukiyama was waiting outside the building. He gave them a friendly wave before running over to meet them.

Kaneki leaned closer to Hide and whispered, "I want you to stay beside one of us this entire time, okay? I have no idea how these ghouls are going to react to my plan, or the fact that there's gonna be humans at this meeting."

Hide nodded. "I understand."

Kaneki took a step to be in front of the group and face Tsukiyama. "Lead the way, Tsukiyama-san."

Tsukiyama led them inside, as told. The building seemed to be an abandoned and gutted building. It must have been owned by his family and never put to use. It was large inside, and from what Hide could see had several rooms. Tsukiyama led them down a hallway and further into the building. Without Tsukiyama guiding them, Hide was sure they would have gotten lost.

"King!" A large ghoul with a mohawk called out. He had been sitting against one of the hallway's walls, but stood and bowed once he saw the group. "May I speak with you?"

"Give me a few minutes." Kaneki said to his group. Tsukiyama pointed the way to another room, to give the two of them some privacy for their talk. 

"Who is that?" Hide whispered to Touka.

"No clue. Never seen him before." Touka answered with a shrug.

Hide and the rest of the group waited patiently, and then several minutes later Kaneki and the ghoul returned. The ghoul walked off and Kaneki walked back to his group.

"Alright. Let's go and start the meeting." Kaneki said.

\---

Tsukiyama lead them into another room. It was huge, and ghouls were everywhere, in their own little clique-like groups. Hide walked at Kaneki's side, while the rest of their group was a bit farther away behind them.

They had barely entered the room, when Hide saw a ghoul suddenly come charging at Kaneki.

"Kaneki!" Hide shouted in warning, but he was too late. A blond ghoul wearing a white suit leapt and slashed his kagune at Kaneki. Kaneki blocked the attack at the last minute, and then stuck his arm out, both as a gesture for Hide to back up and to shield him.

Shoes clicked against the ground as Touka ran over and stood in front of Hide as well, in case the blond ghoul or any of the other white suited ghouls were to try anything.

The blond ghoul started yelling at Kaneki. Hide didn't understand everything he was saying, but he got the gist of it. This ghoul was claiming that Kaneki had killed his aniki. Kaneki didn't deny it. And from there, everything started to go downhill. Just as Kaneki had warned him, the ghouls weren't happy about humans being here. Especially not CCG humans.

"These people helped me escape from Cochlea. They're our friends." Kaneki said, making sure to keep his tone calm and steady.

Thankfully, nothing escalated any further. It actually calmed down a bit. A few other ghouls spoke up, mostly wanting to know what Kaneki was planning.

"I will carry on the burden of the previous King and create a world where ghouls and humans can understand each other." Kaneki answered.

Everyone was quiet.

And then one of the women started laughing hysterically. "I was wondering what kind of nonsense you would spout, but... Looks like my onii-chan's a bit of an idiot. Did you get Kanou to turn your brain into RC Cells too?"

 _Huh? Onii-chan? How many adopted sisters does Kaneki have?!_  Hide found himself wondering. Then he realized she had mentioned Kanou, and things made sense. Kanou must have done surgeries on multiple people with Rize's kagune.

Kaneki's "little sister" went on to rant about how ghouls and humans weren't going to get along.

_Didn’t she used to be human? She should be the one to understand this the most, along with Kaneki!_

As much as Hide wanted to speak up and defend Kaneki's plan, he knew Kaneki wouldn't want him to draw any attention to himself. So he kept his mouth shut, listened in, and waited for Kaneki's response. He hoped that Kaneki knew that he was completely fine with him using their relationship as an example of humans and ghouls getting along. 

Kaneki went on to talk about what being a ghoul meant and entailed, and that they should try to get along with humans anyway. Hide was really proud of him. Kaneki spoke about it so openly and without any self-hatred or disgust. Kaneki, who was normally so introverted and shy and soft, was finally speaking up for what he believed in.

"Humans and ghouls  _can_  understand each other. The fact that I, who was once human, stand here before you is proof enough." Kaneki declared. He gestured, and a large group of ghouls walked out. Hide only recognized their leader, who had been the mohawked ghoul that pulled Kaneki aside earlier. Standing tall, Kaneki walked over to stand beside the leader. There were so many ghouls behind the two of them; it was an impressive and intimidating display.

"Bow down." The mohawk ghoul commanded, and the crowd of ghouls behind him and Kaneki obeyed.

Kaneki took his eyepatch off and threw it to the side, showing his single activated kakugan. In a loud voice, he announced, "Our organization will be called Goat."

After that declaration, all the ghouls chose to either join "Goat" or not. The ones that chose not to, left. And with that, this meeting was over. Kaneki walked back over to Hide and his original group, but not before stopping to pick his eyepatch off the floor.

Just as Kaneki reached up to put it back on, Hide quickly reached out to stop him. In a berating tone, he said. "Kaneki. No eyepatch."

"It's probably not going to go away..." Kaneki whispered, turning his head so that Hide wouldn't be able to see his kakugan.

Hide rolled his eyes, and forced Kaneki's face to look at him again. "I don't care."

Kaneki blinked, and then smiled, and he leaned closer and kissed Hide on the cheek.

Someone cleared their throat, and Hide and Kaneki both flinched and turned to see who it was.

"Seidou?!" Hide asked. He completely forgot that Seidou might be here.

He saw Seidou's eyes widen in surprise upon seeing him, but then Seidou hid it with a poker face.

Kaneki glanced at Hide and raised his eyebrow. "You know him?"

"Long story. I'll tell you later." Hide replied.

Kaneki faced the other white haired ghoul. "What's up?"

"Do you have a medical team or something?" Seidou asked.

"We have a ghoul that can heal, yes. What's the emergency? You don't seem injured."

Seidou gestured with his hand to follow after him, and after a moment of hesitation Kaneki followed him. Hide trailed behind him, thankful that Kaneki didn't tell him to stay behind with Touka and the others.

Seidou led them into a another room, this one small and empty. A young black-haired female ghoul was leaning against the wall, and laying on the floor was--

"Akira-san!" Kaneki gasped, dropping to his knees and checking her vitals.

"Akira?!" Hide exclaimed.  _How did she get here?!_

"She's alive, don't worry. For now, at least." Seidou said.

"How do you know her?" Kaneki asked, glaring at Seidou. "Did you do this to her?"

"Of course not!" Seidou snapped.

Hide sighed at the two of them arguing. "Kaneki, this is Seidou Takizawa. He was an investigator and a friend of Akira-san--"

"I don't know if I'd say I was  _friends_  with her..." Seidou mumbled.

Hide ignored him and continued, "--and now he's a half-ghoul. Seidou, this is Ken Kaneki, also known as Haise Sasaki. Akira-san was his mentor and his mother figure."

Seidou's expression softened upon hearing that, and he bent down to be at Kaneki's level. "So? Can you help her?"

Kaneki quickly nodded. He stood up and left the room, yelling out for Banjou. 

That left Hide sitting here with Seidou, an unconscious and wounded Akira, and a female ghoul staring at the three of them on the floor. Hide watched Akira for a while, feeling awkward and not really wanting to talk to either of the ghouls. And then he felt guilty for feeling like that, so he looked up at Seidou and tried to strike up a conversation with his old friend.

"Hi!" Hide said in a friendly tone.

Seidou only blinked, not changing his expression at all.

"Uh, do you not remember me or...?" Hide asked awkwardly.

"Nagachika." Seidou stated.

"Yeah!" Hide nodded.  _So he does remember me._

Seidou didn't say anything else.

"Um, how've you been?" Hide asked.

Seidou glared at him.

_Right. Bad question._

"Hide?" Kaneki called from the other room, saving him from this awkward one-sided conversation.

"Coming!" Hide replied, jumping to his feet and hurrying back into the main room.


	25. Kagune Cuddles

Hide, Kaneki, and Seidou stood in another small room, watching Banjou as he released his kagune and began to use it to heal Akira, who was laying on a makeshift hospital bed.  

With a knock, Tsukiyama opened the door and peeked inside. "Kaneki-kun, someone wants to talk to you."

Kaneki nodded and headed toward the door. Hide remained where he was, watching as Banjou worked. He hoped that Akira would end up okay. He had never before heard of using a kagune to heal someone else, and none of them knew if it would successfully work on a human. But it was the best and only idea they had. They had to try.

"Hide?" Kaneki called out expectantly from the doorway.

"I'm gonna stay here." Hide replied, looking back at him.

Kaneki's eyes flickered to Seidou for a second, and then back to Hide. He seemed nervous leaving them alone together.

"It's okay, I know him! We're old CCG buddies!" Hide said enthusiastically. He didn't want Kaneki worrying about him.

Seidou tch'ed, not really helping Hide's case.

Kaneki blinked, looking uncertain. "...Banjou-san?" He glanced at his ghoul friend for advice.

"I'll look out for him. Don't worry, Kaneki." Banjou replied.

Kaneki made eye contact with Hide again, silently asking him "Are you sure?" Hide gave him a confident nod, and Kaneki reluctantly left with Tsukiyama.

\---

“So what happened to her?” Hide asked. Akira was one of the best investigators the CCG had. Did the Rushima mission really go that badly?

“She shielded me from an attack.” Seidou answered.

Hide’s eyes widened, and his heart felt warm and fuzzy. Despite what she claimed and how she acted, Hide knew she was capable of caring for a ghoul. He always knew if she had met up with Amon or Seidou, whether in the battlefield or under better circumstances, that she would care and not be able to harm them.

Hide had been right. And Akira had gone the extra mile. She shielded a ghoul from an attack. That took guts. It nearly costed her life.

“I’m just here to return the favor.” Seidou finished.

Hide hummed. “Okay.” He didn’t believe Seidou's claim either.

Seidou glared at him, but said nothing.

There was a moment of silence.

“So it’s been a while.” Hide began again. “I’m glad you got out of Aogiri.”

 _No thanks to me..._ Hide’s thoughts said, but he pushed them aside. He could be self-deprecating later. 

“Are you joining Goat?" Hide continued. "It’ll be nice to have you around again.”

“I’m not joining Goat.”

“What?”

“Once Mado is healed and the favor repaid, I’m leaving.”

“Leaving for where?”

“I’ll figure it out.”

“Kaneki’s going to fight for peace between humans and ghouls! You should join us! I’m sure having more half-ghouls will help!” Hide said, trying to sell him on the idea. He wanted all of his old friends and all of Kaneki's old friends to stick together, to be friends with each other, to fight for and work toward the same goal.

Seidou raised his eyebrows, and stared at Hide with a deadpan and almost disappointed look. “...You really believe that?”

“What do you mean?” Hide asked.

Seidou sighed. “Well, good luck, I guess. But I’m not going to be fighting for any more causes.”

Hide blinked, trying to understand. Wouldn’t Seidou want to fight for peace? For humans and ghouls to finally stop fighting and killing each other and actually get along? Didn’t he believe it could be possible?

_Well, it **is** his choice... I guess I can understand why he wouldn't want to go back to fighting._

“This hideout isn’t actually that bad, huh? Pretty amazing how we found a place to hold everyone.” Hide said, starting a new conversation. It did honestly impress him that “Goat” had managed to find such a large building on such short notice.

“Why do you keep trying to make conversation with me?” Seidou asked.

“Because we used to be old friends!” Hide said happily. “Unless you thought I was annoying and were just trying to be polite back then?”

“No, you weren’t—. I mean, yeah you’re annoying but not in a... bad way?” Seidou struggled. “Ugh, I just meant, why are you being so friendly toward me _now?”_

“Why wouldn’t I be?”

Seidou snickered bitterly. “You’re kidding, right? It’s quite obvious why.” He gestured to his face. His white hair, sickly pale face, sunken eyes, darkened and scabbed lips.

“You think I care about appearances?” Hide laughed, pointing to his scarf.

“It’s not just appearances! I’m a ghoul!” Seidou snapped. “I’ve done Aogiri’s dirty work! I’ve killed and eaten people! I almost killed your boyfriend!”

Banjou turned toward them, ready to play peacemaker and make sure Seidou kept control and didn't lash out. Hide was decidedly grateful to have someone here for support.

“Don’t you hate me? Fear me?” Seidou continued, lowering his volume. “Don’t I disgust you?”

“You were kidnapped by Aogiri and forcibly turned into a ghoul. I can’t imagine what that must have been like, or the things that were probably done to you. I want to believe that you’re still you. Still that man who joined the CCG to protect innocent civilians. Even if that man is now pushed deep down inside of you.”

“I don’t think that man exists at all anymore. I think he died a long time ago.”

“Well, you saved Akira-san. And you’re still waiting here at her side, making sure she will wake up. So I don’t think he’s completely gone.”

“Even if he’s not, I’m still different. I’m not the kind of person — the kind of _ghoul_ you want to be friends or even associate with.”

“Kaneki has issues; many of them. At this point, I’m pretty sure everyone here knows that. So it’d be pretty hypocritical of me to judge you when I don’t judge him. I want to help him get through it. And I want to help others too. I know many ghouls have all kinds of issues because of the life they’re forced to live.”

“So you're a saint, huh?” Seidou snapped, and turned his head away.

“I never said I was.”

“I don't want anyone's pity or help.”

Hide sighed through his nose. He knew he shouldn't push Seidou. But he _did_ make it his goal to prove that he would be here to support the half-ghoul.

But for now, they fell into silence, with a heated awkwardness between them.

After a while, there was another knock on the door, and then a second later Kaneki opened it and stepped inside.

“I’m all done here. We’re ready to head back to :re.” Kaneki said.

Seidou turned his head to wordlessly watch the two of them.

“Bye, Seidou.” Hide said as he stood up. He turned to Banjou. “Thanks for letting me stay here.” He let _“Thanks for watching out for me”_ be implied as well.

“It was no problem.” Banjou replied. “I’ll keep you both updated on her condition.”

\---

“Hey, Kaneki. About yesterday?” Hide began. It was currently just the two of them sitting downstairs in the closed shop of :re.

“Yeah?”

“You... let me see your kagune.”

“Yeah. It was only fair, after...” Kaneki trailed off.

“But you never did before.”

“That was different. As Haise I was trying so hard to be human and keep my memories and... myself? at bay. I think I only lost control when my kagune triggered some of my memories and instincts out. I was scared to face that part of myself.”

“Oh.” Hide said. “And now?”

“I don’t know. I guess... I know who I am and I remember who I was, and I’m at peace with it. At least, as much as I probably ever will be. And because of that, somehow I have regained control of my kagune again. I’m... not really sure why it works like that, but... yeah.”

“So... um...” Hide said shyly.

Kaneki smirked. “You want to see my kagune, don’t you?”

“Yeah! I mean, it was awesome to see it yesterday. It was really, really cool. But, I... I’d like to see it closer. And maybe... touch it? Or is that too weird?”

Kaneki held out his hand, and Hide took it. Kaneki led them upstairs into their shared room and he closed and locked the door.

“Ooh, scandalous.” Hide teased.

Kaneki rolled his eyes. “Please don’t make any... fake sounds.”

“What kind of sounds?” Hide asked, playing dumb.

“You know what I mean!” Kaneki snapped.

Hide laughed. “Okay, okay, I promise I won’t!”

“Are you sure you don't mind, though? My eye's going to change.”

“It's fine.”

“Alright...” Kaneki whispered. He released his kagune, letting them worm their way out from under his shirt, and watched as Hide's eyes widened in awe.

Hide walked in a circle around Kaneki, taking in the kagune from all angles. Kaneki watched as he circled him.

"Wow..." Hide whispered. Last night he had been trying not to stare at Kaneki's ghoul aspects to not make him uncomfortable. But now that he had Kaneki's permission, he was free to take in and admire all of his ghoul side.

“I feel kinda weird...” Kaneki admitted in a whisper. They were alone and he knew Hide would be respectful, but he still felt like a freak, or a circus act. He didn’t like being in the spotlight like this.

“Sorry. Um, just do whatever feels natural, I guess?” Hide suggested. “You can move them around.”

It looked like Kaneki was purposely keeping them steady and under strict control, and that was likely just adding to his nerves.

Kaneki walked over to the bed and sat on it. He let his kagune relax and lay on the bed, and he allowed them to twitch idly.

Hide slowly walked over to him and sat beside him, admiring his kagune from this short distance.

He gave Kaneki a few moments before he asked, “Is it okay if I touch it?”

“Um, I guess. No one’s ever touched them before, aside from me.”

Kaneki moved them so instead of moving idly behind him, they curled around his side and laid between the two of them, giving Hide better access.

Hide reached out and rested his palm against one, but it flinched and pulled back. Hide pulled his hand back, worried he did something wrong, and looked back up at Kaneki.

Kaneki shivered. “That’s weird. I can feel that.”

“Do you want me to stop?”

“No, it’s okay. I’m just not used to it... But I trust you.”

Kaneki brought his legs up so that he was sitting cross-legged on the bed. He shifted a little so that he would be more comfortable. Once he was done and ready, Kaneki held his hand out. Hide put his hand in Kaneki's, and Kaneki gently lead Hide's hand and rested it on his kagune. 

\---

Hide sat beside Kaneki, resting his head against his shoulder. He had all four of Kaneki's kagune draped over his lap. They would curl and uncurl idly, but for the most part they stayed steady. Hide had fun seeing and touching them. He stroked and pet them in his lap, as if they were a cat. He would occasionally playfully poke the tip of one with his finger, and watch the tentacle react. It would flinch and pull back, and then slowly settle and move back to where it was. Or Hide would touch the underside of the tip, and let it curl around his finger. Most of the actions seemed blind and instinctual.

After a while of Hide playing with his kagune, Kaneki got a little bored just sitting there. He stared at the book he was in the middle of reading — that he had left on the side table on the other side of the bed. He took one of his kagune tentacles, carefully slipping it out of Hide's grasp, and stretched it out toward the table. He wrapped the tentacle around the book, being very careful to not drop it, and then brought the tentacle back toward him and dropped the book into his hands.

"Whoa!" Hide cried out. "That was awesome!"

"They do come in handy." Kaneki smiled as he opened his book and began to read where he left off. He let the tentacle he had used slowly drop back down and return with the others in Hide's lap.

Hide sighed as he snuggled closer to Kaneki. He wrapped his arms around Kaneki's arm and closed his eyes. It was late now, and he was starting to lull off to sleep.

He peeked his eyes back open when he felt Kaneki's kagune tighten around his waist.

"Shh." Kaneki whispered as he put one arm around Hide's back and the other under his knees. He picked up and cradled Hide, and then maneuvered further back on the bed and laid against the pillows and headboard. Hide rested his head against Kaneki's chest and closed his eyes again. He felt Kaneki gently rubbing his arm, as well as the comforting weight of his kagune against his waist and stomach.

With one of his kagune limbs, Kaneki reached out and turned on the side table lamp, and then hit the light switch to turn off the ceiling lights. As Hide drifted off to sleep, Kaneki continued to read his book.


End file.
